December 2004 Archives

God has really been impressing on my heart the past few weeks a joy and desire for heaven. I love the earth, but knowing that heaven is even greater blows my mind. I used to really be afraid of the thought of eternity (it is still a bit scary). I mean, it seems odd that I will never just cease to exist, which in some ways would be kind of a relief. But, the thought of eternity in heaven. That's a big thought.

Awhile ago I expressed to Josh my fear of eternity and said that I'd rather just cease to exist. He said, "Maybe you're underestimating what God has prepared for us." That got me thinking. What could God create that would be so cool that I would want to live for eternity...that eternity would be an awesome thing and not a scary thing? What will heaven be like?

When I saw the movie What Dreams May Come, I saw a hell that really frightened me. I mean, if hell was like that, I certainly did not want to be there. That would not be a pleasant place to be for a minute, let alone an eternity. But, the heaven...that was a place that I could be. I mean, I know the movie has some issues theologically and I also know that my human self cannot fathom the greatness of heaven or of the mind of God and what he has prepared for us. But, if heaven is anything like how it is in that movie... sweet. Sign me up.

Last year in my small group, one of our Bible study topics (from Lies Women Believe) was that God is not like our earthly fathers. Some of the girls in my group had absent or "bad" fathers, so this was a good topic to discuss. But, I found myself thinking that if God was, for some reason, exacltly like my earthly father, faults included, that I would be overjoyed. And it blew my mind to know that God was even better than my earthly dad. And it got me really wanting to know Him more and wondering what it will be like to spend eternity with Him.

I also know that heaven will be a great place of worship. And there are so many ways to worship God. And I was looking at all of the ways that I worship God on earth - through singing, through relationships, through prayer, through sports, through art...so much! And it delights me to know that in heaven I will have no fear of death and no tears and will live eternally in worship with my Lord.

Revelation 21:1-4
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Long in the waiting...I have finally come up with my personal top 41 list of movies, in order, as it is today (Dec. 26th, 2004). There are other movies that I loved and thought were visually stunning or mentally stimulating, but that just didn't connect with me personally. These are the movies that I've quoted, recalled, pondered, and thought more and more about. They've impacted my attitudes and thoughts and relationships in some way. They have made me think more deeply about character, acting, art, visuals, humor, social standing, history...and all that good stuff. They have encouraged me to imagine and dream; they have entertained me through some bad illnesses. Some are classics and some are...well, they're just plain cheesy. But, sometimes even the cheesy movies stay with us and whisper to us and impact us. Obviously, in my young life there are many movies I have not yet experienced, and my current Netflix Queue is over 200. But considering the ones I have seen and the impact they've had on me, (without further adieu) here is my top 41.

1. Nashville
2. High Fidelity
3. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
4. Persona
5. Sense and Sensibility
6. Spirited Away
7. Singin' in the Rain
8. The Jerk
9. Whale Rider
10. Life is Beautiful
11. Mary Poppins
12. Lost in Translation
13. Being John Malkovich
14. Amelie
15. 2001 A Space Odyssey
16. A River Runs Through It
17. Punch-Drunk Love
18. The Pianist
19. American Splendor
20. The Little Princess
21. X-Men
22. The Wizard of Oz
23. Adaptation
24. Strictly Ballroom
25. Legally Blonde
26. Lord of the Rings, Return of the King
27. The Color of Paradise
28. In America
29. Frida
30. Pirates of the Caribbean
31. What Dreams May Come
32. An Ideal Husband
33. Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
34. Best in Show
35. Muriel's Wedding
36. Monsoon Wedding
37. That Thing You Do!
38. Duets
39. Rain Man
40. Knights Tale
41. Grosse Point Blank

It's changed by every wave.

It's only during the holidays that I see how much my family has changed, no, morphed over the years. The family I knew as a child has been reduced, expanded, and scandalized. As a kid, my family consisted of my aunts & uncles, cousins, grandparents, and, of course, my parents & brothers. But, after a bit of adultery here, some unbearable addictions or abuses there, marriage, divorce, and addition of new children, it seems that the picture of my family today wouldn't even be recognized as being the same family I had as a kid.

I remember when I found out my uncle was getting a divorce. I was ten or so, and was so mad at my aunt for not coming to say goodbye to me. I remember that I had confessed to her (by whispering in her ear, so others would not hear) that she was my favorite aunt. Then, her & my uncle were divorced and I never saw her again. As an adult, I recognize that the whole thing was messy and that she was not obligated to say anything to her niece, but I do remember how it tore me apart at the time. That was the first change I ever saw in my family.

From then on there have been several divorces (and many name changes for some of the women...I can't even keep track anymore) and remarriages. Several of which include step kids and whatnot joining in to the family. They are accepted and loved, but then the next year comes around and they don't come to Christmas anymore because of another divorce.

I told my dad today that I was amazed at how much our family had changed. I said that I never expected it to be such an evolving, constantly changing thing. I mean, as a kid, I thought that family was a rock, it was solid. It would change, sure, due to marriage & death & new children being born. But, that was it...and it's core would remain stable throughout time. My parents have been stable, and the only changes to my immediate family have been mine & my brother's spouses.

I guess it has changed my image of family. I have an ideal in my mind about what I'd like it to be, how stable I want it to be, and how Disney I'd like it to feel each Christmas. But, that doesn't seem to happen anymore and I'm better off just accepting the truth. Families are like shifting sand. They change with every wave.

One of my students just said to me, "Mrs. Lewis, I think you're the most super teacher in the whole U.S.A. and Russia!"

Awwww. *blushes*

Here's my bit of local news, along with a note of sympathy to my dear, sweet husband.

When we moved into our new place, there was a cute pizza parlor across the street called Bruschetta's. It was a home-town Italian bistro where families and teams would meet after sports games or after long bike rides. Josh's den had a window that faced that direction and he insisted that his desk be placed overlooking the view. On many summer nights, Josh watched the people chatter outside of the bistro while working his Internet magic.

Then, the owner of Bruschetta's died suddenly of a heart attack and the place was up for sale. We wondered what would become of the property. We worried that it could potentially be sold to a business that would drag down the neighborhood. Or, even worse, they could put in a Starbucks and drag down our wallet. We hoped it would be something delightful, preferably if it aided us when we didn't feel like cooking.

They put in a Curves. It's a workout place only for women that offers circuit training. And, not trying to be mean in any way, because this just happens to be true, all of the women I know who do Curves are overweight. And, you know, it's really good for them to be working out. But, Curves, as far as I have seen, isn't the kind of place that attracts young, athletic women. It's for women with, you know, curves. And when I say "curves," I mean morbidly overweight. I mean...one of their pantlegs could be worn as a skirt by many other women I know. I mean...well, let's just leave it at "curvy," because I think that's still a politically correct term and sounds better than me using phrases like "semi-truck" and "make a better house than a doorway."

So, Josh was gone to Bible study tonight, when I heard this horrible racket. The sides of the house were starting to vibrate a bit as someone's bass was pumping a bit too much. I figured it was from some teenager whose stereo system was worth more than the car it was in. But, the sound just continued. So, after a little investigation, I found that the closest I could get to the sound was in Josh's den, by Josh's desk. I opened up the window shades by Josh's desk only to see the excited new Curve's owners testing out their new equipment. The music was blasting and, boy were they excited. Trouble is, these women are also...well...curvey. In fact, the whole scene looked like something straight out of a Gary Larson cartoon.

Then it dawned on me. Josh's window no longer overlooks the quaint Italian bistro. It now overlooks every woman who chooses to work out at Curves. And their...ah-hem...hard at work curviness.

Have a good time trying to concentrate, Sweetie. :-)

Okay, so I said I'd post the link to the still life drawings my students did when they were up on our gallery, so here they are! You can click on the smaller pictures to enlarge them, which I think does them so much more justice. These are all begining Art students and their progress was amazing. Some of my favorites are the ones done by: Bhavi, Christina, Dasi, Diane, Leonard, Song, Tina, Vivian, and Yeana. Many of the students are English language learners or special ed. I wish I could put a picture of their first drawings next to their still lifes so you could see how much they improved. But, alas, I must draw the line somewhere!

You may also want to check out the oil paintings my level 2 students just finished. They turned out pretty decent for a first stab at oil painting.

Woo hoo!

I usually don't make New Year's resolutions. They always seem so cheesy and the people around me never seemed to keep them. But, then I thought about my life and things I'd like to improve on and maybe accomplish. So, here's my list (in progress) of New Year's Resolutions:

- Get out surfing at least twice a month during the winter months and four times a month during summer months.
- Get my National Board of Professional Teaching Certification
- Play for another season of Volleyball
- Finish reading the New Testament by March
- Finish the paintings I've started
- Avoid getting over-extended by not saying "yes" to more social obligations than I can handle
- Eat out less and prepare healthier meals more consistently
- Work out at least three times a week (volleyball and surfing count as working out)
- Strengthen my arm & shoulder muscles to help avoid volleyball & surfing injuries
- Add the art portfolio and writing/poetry section to my website
- Seek out practical ways that I can spoil and show love to my husband
- Continue seeking God and relying on him for my needs
- Bring down our debt as much as we can, get credit report & learn more about achieving financial stability
- Set up my studio space & darkroom, have a studio-warming party to mark the opening & let people develop pictures and make art
- Travel somewhere I haven't been with friends

Well, that's what I thought of... I'd love to see others make lists too! It's fun to see what direction people are aiming to take in their lives.

2 Corinthians 6:1-13

1Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, please don't squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us. 2God reminds us,

11Dear, dear Corinthians, I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. 12We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. 13I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!

The Messge, Copyright © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Thought I'd let y'all know about one of my favorite Bible study places (Simply Youth Ministry) that is offering 12 Days of Freebies as a countdown to Christmas. For those of you involved in Youth Ministry stuff, you may find some of them useful!

Well, Henson managed to pull one of my bags off of the counter while we were gone yesterday. He rummaged through it until he found a gift I had received from someone and, after opening it, was delighted to see 8 oz. of See's Milk Chocolates. When we came home, there was Henson, all fat and worried and shaking.

He hadn't consumed a toxic level of chocolate, but we still watched him carefully in case a vet trip was necessary. I locked him in the kitchen because I was scared he'd barf or 'rrhea or something like that. But, after awhile he still hadn't so I thought it was safe to bring him into the living room. Well, as soon as we sat down he suddenly felt compelled to barf all over. And I mean...well, without going into details...EWWWW!!!

It was not fun to clean up. And then he did it again. It was a strange chocolatey-barf that Josh has just taken to calling "charf."

I think I have the naughtiest dog on the planet.

I have a student who is mostly-deaf, and he's supposed to wear a hearing aide. But he never wears it.

MRS. LEWIS: Why don't you ever wear your hearing aide to school?
STUDENT: What?

I taught my drawing unit a bit differently this semester and WOW! These are the best still life drawings I've seen come out of any students this age! I'll post the link to their gallery when I have it up. But, if I do say so myself, this unit RULED! And my students worked so hard. I feel like a proud proud mother.

WOO HOO!

I haven't really been blogging lately because most of the things I want to talk about are things that aren't really appropriate for a internet-published blog. I have all these weird thoughts on stuff like marriage, relationships w/ friends & coworkers, sex, pooping, fears, local events...all sorts of stuff that I can't really find an appropriate way to talk about in a public forum.

That's so frustrating. I feel like I want to be really open, but my story is also the story of other people and, while I may feel comfortable sharing many things, the people who share my story may not be. That, and there's the whole issue of audience, blah...blah...blah.

Anyway, I hesitated to write about this one, but I think I can express my feelings in an understandable way. I don't know why, but I have recently discovered a huge fear in myself that I never really recognized before. I am afraid of divorce. No...there are no issues brewing and I dare say that I have one of the best marriages on the face of this planet. So, why the fear? I've had some friends recently split their marriages and share some feelings with me and that kind of shocked me. Then, I started having weird dreams about my marriage ending in some really terrible why that left me overrideen with guilt and practically unable to funciton in society. It's making me hesitate to build relationships with women, for fear that Josh would find them more interesting then I. Now, those of you who know Josh know that this kind of thing is not in his character. Am I obsessive?

I think this whole thing started in my head after the third miscarriage. For some reason, I (to some extent) equate being a good wife with being able to provide offspring. I've also been really open to adoption, but there's something about carrying on the genes. Ya know? It's strange, really. Anyway, I hate feeling inadequate.

Anyway, the only reason that I decided to post this is because I feel that I'm under some serious spiritual warfare. Only Satan can bring on this kind of ungrounded fear. I've been praying against it for a few days now and haven't really seen a let up yet. So, I'd appreciate some prayer.

2 Thessalonians 3
3But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.

1 Peter 5
6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Ephesians 6
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.