February 2005 Archives

Done and done!

K...I don't want to go off on the Oscars or anything. I'm just mad that The Aviator didn't take Best Picture & Best Director. I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved Million Dollar Baby and think Clint Eastwood is a phenomenal director and can really put together a great character-centric film. But, Scorsese made an amazing film that took two years to put together. It's great on so many different levels. It's a complex story that was so perfectly put together. It's top notch all the way!

Anyway, if I could give you those Oscars I would, Mr. S.

As life progresses, I keep learning more deeply about different aspects of God and who He is. Recently, I've been dwelling on Him as my Redeemer. A recent study of the Book of Ruth gave me new insights to what a kinsman-redeemer is to a person. Especially a person who is broken and left alone, unjustified, and without hope.

Job 19: 25-27
I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes -- I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!

Isaiah 54: 5
For your Maker is your bridegroom, his name, GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies! Your Redeemer is The Holy of Israel, known as God of the whole earth.

The other day in class the office called and told me to send Yu down to the office. I covered the phone and announced across the room, "Hey, Yu! Go to the office!" Half the class looked at me puzzled, pointed to themselves, and said, "Who, me?" Then we all watched Yu grab his backpack and leave the room.

Man, you can't write that stuff. Oh wait, you can!

And go to Hollywood? You could totally make it.

I have a student that says this to me every day.

I teach a drama class and very often will use my own performances to give students an example of how to play a game or learn an acting technique. They're like, "Wow! When you did your crazy person, I thought you really were crazy!"

Hel-lo! It's called acting. And that's what drama class is about.

Anyway, I have this student that comes up to me every day (for the past week) and we have a dialogue similar to this:

Kid: Mrs L, you are such a good actress.

Me: Thank you.

Kid: Why don't you go to Hollywood and just get out of here?

Me: I like it here just fine.

Kid: I know, but you could totally make it out there.

Me: I don't want to be an actress.

Kid: But you're so good! You could totally make it! You should just go to Hollywood...get out of here.

Me: That's a really nice thought...but I have no desire to live in Hollywood. And no desire to be an actress. I like teaching and I like Cupertino and I just like my life how it is. I don't want to be an actress.

Kid: *puzzled look* But...you could totally make it. Why don't you just go to Hollywood?

And the saga continues...

Am I cool? Suppose I'd have to actually be cool to be able to keep it. Heh.

Anyhoo... I've been trying really hard to stay on high ground lately. My job has been kind of surrounding me with negative people who are all down on the teaching profession and how evil administration and everyone is. Ick. We've had some gossiping issues too. It's so frustrating to be like, "HELLOOO!!! I'm like ten feet away from you...do you think I can't hear you??? And why do you care what color I'm wearing and how it 'doesn't go with my skintone?' Aren't you an adult? Don't you have anything better to talk about???" Ugh.

One of my classes acted bad for a sub the other day. So, I got to spend all of my prep time today dealing with that. Oh, and I had a minor student-on-student strangling incident too (is strangling minor???).

So, I'm trying to stay positive and stay focused on the good and not get dragged down. So many of my students are so awesome that it really brings me so much joy & energy to be able to work with them. It's like, "Kid strangling other kid...get out of my class! ...Ooo! What a pretty mask you're making!" Kind of a split personality thing is going on at times...but it sure beats being a bitter person.

Plus this National Board thing is killin' me. I'm right at that point where I just have to sit down and write a buttload of stuff and organize everything. I spent six hours on Friday night just watching videos of me teaching trying to find the best unedited parts to add to my portfolio entry. Now I have to write about them and explain everything I did in the video and what rationale I use to back it all up. Then I have more entries to do with documentation and hoo-haw, then all of the assessments. I wish there was some alternative to going through this that would still give me the certification. You know...donate a kidney, fight a shark, run 30 miles in stilettos. Something less painful than this.

I listened to part of the Dr. Laura show on the ol' AM station today and she was having guests call in and answer the question, "What is the most loving thing you've seen someone else do?"

So, I got to thinking about what my answer would be. I thought of things that were awesome...but had to reject several things because I didn't actually see them. Then, I thought of lots of romantic, wonderful things, but they didn't seem to encapsulate LOVE for me. Then I started thinking about the really self-sacrificial things people do just because they love someone. Here's my list so far (in no particular order):

1. My parents supporting my brother through school. Wow, that one totally stressed them out. But I just saw them day to day doing everything they could to love him and keep him on the right track and not let him slip through the cracks.
2. My parents were 4-H leaders and some "kids from the other side of the tracks" wanted to come to the camp. A lot of the other parents didn't want them to come because they thought they'd be a bad influence on the "good" kids. My parents really stood up to these other parents insisting that these kids should be allowed to come. Then they engaged all of the kids at the camp in activities that kind of broke down good-kid/bad-kid boundaries (even if only for a moment). I also watched my parents continually go alongside other parents or kids to be supportive and be an example and be a friend...
3. Hearing Don Postema say that he went to see Mickey Blue Eyes because his kids wanted to see it. *shudders*
4. When I lost my second baby, Josh's mom called me one day. She didn't say anything when I picked up the phone and we both just cried together. I felt totally connected to her and her love for me, even though we were in different states. Lots of other people wanted to tell me stuff to make me feel better, but she helped me to just feel loved.
5. When Josh let me get Henson. I was getting depressed, but we couldn't afford a dog and couldn't have one where we were living. He got Henson and he's been my little buddy and running companion ever since. I know that Josh sacrificed a lot for us to make that happen.
6. When we moved from San Jose to Cupertino. Josh's folks were coming out to visit and I was way stressed about having to entertain them. It wasn't that way at all. They came and fixed stuff all around our house, helped unpack stuff, bought groceries, cleaned things (including our own apartment). I've never had anyone do anything like that for me before. They spent their vacation helping us. For free (...at least I haven't received a bill yet).

It's true. I want to be the kind of person who gets up and feels rested and connected before starting the day. The difficult thing is that they also have connotations of being no fun at night because they...well, they go to bed at a regular time. That translates into being boring, no fun, "old" and all of those other things I don't want to be.

So, I'm trying to think about what it means to be a "morning person." Do I have to be perky? I think being alert is good but being overly chipper is just irritating. I remember that I used to get frustrated because my dad would wake up at like 5:30 (crazy I know) in the morning and get more done before noon than most people did in two days. He'd wake me up by whistling as he assembled shot gun shells or cleaned his gun or made some kind of delicious marinated venison.

But, now that I'm older, I find that the mornings are perhaps the only time a person can get a little peace. It's also good to make a good start on the day. But, then, what if I start to eat a healthy breakfast!?! I CAN'T DO THAT!!! It would be admitting defeat to being young and caffeinated. I don't know. I have to figure out some compromises.

Here's what I'm thinking so far for my change:
1. Go to bed around 10:00 p.m. Get up around 6:00 a.m. (Challenging. Not the going to bed part, that I can do easy. It's the getting up part that's hard.)
2. Drink more coffee. I know, I already drink more than human beings should, but it's something good to look forward to in the morning and gives a little boost.
3. Find alternative to a healthy breakfast.
4. After this daylight savings hoo-haw changes back to normal, take Henson on long, refreshing morning walks. It's good for both of us!
5. Kick people who pressure me to stay up too late (except on special occasions).

So, I've been sluggishly following the Michael Jackson molestation trial. It's totally bizarre and, I'm sure you would all agree, Jackson just gets freakier and freakier by the minute. When I look at him I try to remember the Jackson of the good ol' days when he could spin into the ground and turn into a pile of golden coins. *sigh*

Then I got to thinking...WHY would you let your child go to Jackson's house ever??? I mean, if there was the slightest possiblity that someone was a child molester, you can bet that my child would be completely protected (within my power) from that person. But, there are people that let their kids go over to Jackson's Neverland for sleepovers. SLEEPOVERS!!!

Are they stupid???

Or are they greedy? The only reason I could possibly think of that would convince a parent to send their kid over there is money. Hey Timmy, go over to Mr. Jackson's house and get him to molest you, and then the rest of your life (and ours) will be paid for. Here, let me show you some tempting "come hither" looks that you can send his way...he's sure to trip up. And even if he doesn't molest you, I'll keep evidence that you went to his house and we can get a good story together later. Just make sure our facts stay straight.

I don't know. The whole thing is sickening. I don't know who to believe. And I somehow feel that, even if Jackson did molest the kids, that the parents should have some kind of consequence for allowing their kid to go over there. Seriously. It just makes me ill.

Along the same lines as Eddie, I thought I'd share my recent dreamland.

I was at this place and I was not allowed to leave until I thought of a real word that started with "Transatlant--." Well, I thought and thought. The only thing I could come up with was "Transatlanticdentalism." I knew it wasn't a word, but came pretty close to some other word. So, wanting to leave this place, I insisted to these people that transatlanticdentalism was SO a word. How else could dentistry be practiced all across the Atlantic? Huh? HUH?

And then I woke up.