April 2005 Archives

I started a 7 day detox yesterday. I've read from various sources that it's a good thing to do to clear your body of toxins and whatnot. Part of me is still suspicious about the whole thing, but I figured it couldn't hurt since it basically just requires you to eat healthy liquids and fruit and stuff. Yesterday was a liquid fast. I had water and later in the day had a raspberry, peach, & apple smoothie. The real kind made from real fruit & a juicer. But I mostly just drank water.

Trouble is that it made me hurt. Like headache hurt. I know it's from the caffeine withdrawal. I'm so addicted to that stuff that I've probably been averaging 6 shots of espresso a day in lattes. Doing my national board stuff made me rely heavily on caffeine and now the pain has come. But, I'm doing much better today. Today I had orange juice (the real stuff), vegetable/bean broth, and 1/2 cup raspberries. Though I feel a bit hungry, I do feel good.

So, no exercise yesterday or today. Actually, I went to bed at 9:00 p.m. yesterday because I was so wiped out. But I feel good today!

I ran 3.2 miles this afternoon. I was kind of an emotional wreck when I left the house, but I strapped on my new iPod armband and busted out to a Relient K sound mix. One of the songs, Less is More, totally spoke to my heart. By the time I got back home I was more focused on how God uses me in my weakness.

Then, I spent 2 hours teaching my small group the Napoleon Dynamite dance. I think my heartrate was up for a good 3 hours tonight! It was a blast and I think we learned it pretty good given the time!

RELIENT K - Less Is More Lyrics
Jesus, I pray
Take all my mistakes
Throw them away
Destroy them for my sake

Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry
Because I fall so short of your glory
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more

A part of myself
All that I am
You love me so much
That you fill me again
And may these words on my heart, on my lips
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Know what I'm trying to say

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
'Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more

A part of myself, before you were Lord
I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more
And may these words on my heart on my lips,
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Just know what I'm tryin' to say

Jesus, I plead
Please purify me
Make my heart clean
Drench me with your mercy
Jesus, I pray
I love you, I need you
For the rest of my days
I swear I will seek you
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more.

I've been in a kind of daze for the past few days. I don't know why. I keep feeling like something is going to happen, like an ache in my chest that just knows. It's this constant angst that sits somewhere between my ribs and my heart that pushes me out of my reality and into some neverworld that others can't seem to relate to.

Sometimes I feel like a total loner. It's like, I come home from work and I just want people to leave me alone. Except Josh, but being with him is like being with me so it doesn't really count. But, friends call and are all, "Hey! Let's hang out!" And I don't want to. Not because I don't like them or anything...I'd just rather be alone.

It could be something about being an introvert...blah, blah...and people sap my energy...blah, blah...and I'm with people all day so I'm just tired out. Maybe. But there's something more to it that I don't quite get. I generally don't like hanging out. It's weird and I can't explain it...there are just other things I'd rather do. It seems like a waste of time. Does that make me bad? Am I a loner? Is there something wrong with me that I get sick of people after awhile?

Makes me wonder what would happen if I went to a deserted island for a couple of months. Would I appreciate people more? Would I be able to relate better because I'd have a new appreciation? I guess I feel like everyone has certain expectations of me and, when I fail to live up to them, I just feel like crap for crap. It's easier just to be me by myself. I don't think people would like the real me if I showed it. She's kind of judgmental and distant and fragile.

Dunno...

Still working on learning that Napoleon Dynamite dance. It's pretty tiring, especially when you try to get all of the little nuances and head turns & stuff. I'll count 10 minutes of that as my exercise for today. I know, that sucks...but what are you gonna do about it?

Well, I've yoinked the H&F Logs from my blog here because I'm starting a separate place where I will post them. This way I can keep track of my health & fitness anywhere I have a connection to the internet without using some lame advertisement-ridden web page to track it.

So sad...Volleyball got cancelled because of muddy courts. I love outdoor v-ball...but not when it rains. :-(

So, I started learning the Napoleon Dynamite dance as a form of exercise! Boo-yeah! All in the comfort of my living room. Those are some sweet moves!

Ran 3.5 miles today outdoors with Henson. Stopped part way through to do ab crunches while Henson ate grass. Walked the last .3 mile because I was so tired! Felt good after showering though. It's like I breathe better after exercising. Can't wait for volleyball tomorrow!

Today I felt tired. Ran 2.1 miles on varying incline (that incline is killer), stretched, and did a variety of ab exercises (crunches, etc.).

I'm going to start reporting some of my health & fitness stuff so I can track it over time. Not that it's interesting to anyone...

Today:
Ran 3 miles with variable incline
15 min. weights with upper body focus
15 min. stretching/pilates

Weight: 154.5 lbs.

I went to the doctor today and learned that people with allergies and asthma are very prone to getting various kinds of skin rashes. Grrrrrreat. So, I was given a topical cream to put on should such flare-ups occur. (It has steroids...I wonder if that will help with my spiking ability...) I was reading the informational pamphlet that came with the cream, when I came across something quite interesting, "In case of overdose, call the US national poison hotline at 1-800-222-1222."

HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU OVERDOSE ON A TOPICAL CREAM??? Like, you just take sixty bottles of the stuff and repeatedly rub layers and layers on your skin? Sit in a bathtub full of it?

Heh heh. For you visual types, this thought creates many interesting pictures. Hope you get a chuckle out of it like I did! I got two claps and a knee slap out of Josh with it! ;-)

I've been a surfin volleyball weight-lifting machine lately. I've been so hooked on outdoor sports and my new membership to Apple Fitness that I've pretty much collapsed every night for the past week because I've just been completely physically exhausted. It's so nice.

Today was awesome playing volleyball because I've been doing exercises & lifting weights & surf paddling & other stuff to strengthen my arms. Today when I was spiking, I actually had some good smack-down on the ball and it felt really good to be able to do that! Usually my spikes are a bit lofty, but today they were pretty hard. Woo hoo! I think that surfing has strengthened my arms more than anything though because of all that paddling. Nothing like a good case of noodle-arm after battling those waves for a couple of hours. Whew!

I love exercise that is sport oriented and I'm really glad that I have fun outlets for that out here. I've got surfing buddies and volleyball-addict friends so it is a good social time too. Oh, and I've discovered that there is a Dairy Queen in the ghetto part of Santa Cruz (the closest one to us), so now I can surf then get cheap ice cream afterwards. Mmmmmmm... Now, if only I could find a Taco John's out here in California, then Josh and I could both be completely satisfied.

I didn't have Internet for the last two days at home. Well, very sporadically. Anyhoo, I didn't realize how much I relied on the Internet. I kept going back to my laptop to try again and again to connect. Turned out there were some issues with the base station or whatever.

Add to that the fact that my school has been locking up all kinds of stuff on the network. Turns out that pretty much everything on the Net is not appropriate for children. Including teacher websites that post homework and grades, the New York Times...that kind of stuff. But, it's mostly sorted out now. I think. And, they blocked all outgoing mail servers except their crappy Microsoft Exchange dealy. That complicates e-mail a bit.

I'm pumped to hear that some cities are working to offer free city-wide wi-fi. That'd be so sweet. I wonder if schools would leach on to those systems and crappy Microsoft programs would either improve to standard or die (the latter might be nice). Then life would be so smooth. Or smoothish. Cool anyway.

I love the Internet. It is my friend. It tells me things. It makes me feel special.

My school is currently going through their voting process for teacher of the year. Some of the older teachers have boycotted the voting process because they say, "I haven't seen all of the candidates teach." Which got me thinking. How does someone get teacher of the year? Do we just vote in any old baffoon? Is it a popularity contest like jr. high student council elections?

Even if we did "see every teacher teach," wouldn't we see them teaching an on-purpose good lesson instead of the generally every day lesson? It seems kind of pointless. And, will I become disillusioned with all systems as I get older so that I don't participate or acknowledge anything that gives awards? Or do I just get wiser somehow and have like special glasses that allow me to see what is and is not a sham. Dunno.

I guess that I see teacher of the year as just a way to say to someone on our staff, "Hey...good work. We respect you and what you do." *pat on back* It's not the "Ultimate Superemo Best Super Happy Fun Teacher Award." (Although that would be cool to win.) So, I voted for a buddy of mine who has a lot of vision, maintains a positive attitude, and has an exquisite understanding of the middle school aged child. That's my pat on the back to say that I respect him.

The only thing is that if he does win, the award is tainted by this bitter crowd who wouldn't participate and wouldn't vote and was just kind of angry. That doesn't seem like much of an award or a reward for all of the hard work he has shown. And every year we recognize a new teacher so it's not like my dad winning "Employee of the Month" every month. It cycles through people more.

I don't know. I guess I just hope I don't get bitter. If that happens, I'll just have to retire early and spend the rest of my life surfing and painting. Hmmmm...I feel the bitterness creeping in already.

So, my drama students will be perfoming in a one-act titled The XYZ Files, which is a spoof on the television series The X-Files. Can anyone recommend some good episodes or a good season to watch? I'd like to watch a few episodes to get a good feel for the show and I'd like to show one to my class. But, since I'm not a big fan of the show, I'd appreciate any thoughts from those of you who've seen it!

Thanks!

Well, I'm forcing myself to write a bit since I've been in a hole for far too long. So, I finished the portfolio part of my national board stuff and I just have six tests left. Then, I'm finished assuming I pass everything. Most teachers take two years to finish since less that 10% pass the first time. I'm hoping to be in that 10%, but not expecting it.

I think people expected me to finish the portfolio then throw a big super social party or something. But, that's not what happened. I actually feel more introverted that I have in a long time. I relate it to a sort of groundhog day. Like, I've been in this hole for so long working on the portfolio. Then, I finish and go outside and I'm like, "Whoa! It's bright out here!!!" So, then I go back in the hole so I can adapt more slowly to the light.

Actually, the day after I finished my portfolio I came home after work and sat on the couch. I sat there for a good half hour before I figured out what I usually do when I don't have a portfolio to work on. It seemed odd that I was sitting there thinking, "What did I used to do with my time?"

But, I planted all my seeds for spring in new terracotta pots (that I got on sale for 0.99-3.99!!!). I'm excited to see them bloom. I have the herb garden as usual and also put in some poppies, marigolds, daisies, honeysuckle, and a heaven's breath (cool plant). I also planted two creeping ivy plants that will grow up the wall. They are in the hummingbird corner because their flowers attract hummingbirds, along with the hanging plant I put by the hummingbird feeder on the porch. We get lots of hummingbirds, so I'm hoping we'll get to see even more!

Oh, and the studio is up an rolling. I've worked in it only one night so far because I spent so much time getting it functional. It's really cool and it's the first time I've really had a big workspace that was mine. I'm pretty pumped about it and like it a lot.

When I woke up Sunday morning my eyes were swollen shut. This hasn't happened since freshman year when I was losing my vision from that freaky Filipino bacteria. My eyes were really sensitive to the light all day and I got worried a bit. Today, however, they seem to be doing better. I had some of my meds from my last eye problems and used them. I'll still go in to get them checked out though, hopefully over spring break.

Actually, I was thinking about my eyes and thinking about how life would completely change without them. I mean, I'm a teacher and an artist. It's like, eyes and hands are the most important thing here. Crazy.

I also was thinking about small things that would totally suck to not have. I mean, imagine losing your keys and not having a spare set. You couldn't really do much without those babies. I feel that way about my laptop too. Wouldn't want to be without that.

Okay, so this was the random entry, mostly just to catch people up. I'm emerging from my hole, slowly, but emerging nonetheless.