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February 2006 Archives
Josh and I are chilling in Mill Valley, California right now. We decided we needed a weekend away from the Silicon Valley shuffle to chill out with each other and get work done.
We're at the Acqua Hotel, which has been a pretty nice stay so far. We have some great views of Mt. Tamalpais and Richardson Bay from our balcony. I still have no idea how to pronounce the name of that mountain, which stinks being that it's written on so many signs and things around me. (Steph to Josh in car: "Okay, go two more miles then turn right at Mount Tamalyiapiaaasicaskcs Road.") Oh well.
Josh has been working on various geek-related job tasks that involve a bunch of web languages I don't know. But, when I look over his shoulder, the BBEdit is filled with lots of pretty colors. I've been doing homework & chilling out. Both of which are much needed.
We went to Sausalito to get some dinner tonight and decided to grab some coffee on the way home. I saw a coffee house on the side of the road that looked to be pretty happenin', so I went in. Now, before I go into this, I have to say that Josh and I just finished watching SNL - The Best of Mike Myers, and it includes his sketch as Middle Aged Man.
In becoming middle-aged, I saw that there are more important things in life: that you can't change the world; that the comfort and safety of your family comes first; that life itself is a miracle; and that you must always prime the garage before you paint it. It saves paint and won't blister when the sun hits it. -From SNL
Well, this coffee shop was FILLED with total middle aged people. I mean, to the point that I was being looked at and felt a little creeped out (and I'm 27 years old!). There was a band playing called "Free Spirits," they weren't bad, but they were also middle aged. They had beads in their hair and rastafarian pants and I could tell that they missed the 70's oh so much.
P.S. Try doing a google image search for middle aged man. I thought I'd get some classic shots of Mike Myers as Middle Aged Man, but I actually just got a bunch of pictures of men who are middle aged. Anyway, I thought it was funny.
Well, according to an article on Slashdot, playing video games keeps the brain from aging by keeping it "limber," if you will. So, I guess I'm getting older and older with each passing day, and Josh is just getting younger and younger. Pretty soon there will be a whole generation gap between us.
But, at the same time, I should stop calling them games because that infers that they are only for children. Maybe we should call them "electronic puzzles" or something like that. Or "digital experiences for people of all ages" or...yeah...that name was dumb. Well, you get the point.
Well, my brothers Chad and Nathan hit the Fishers of Men National Championship Bass Tournament this weekend. After yesterday they were ranked 26th out of 250 competitors. Here's a pic of Nathan on stage for his weigh-in yesterday.
Today it was trimmed down to 120 competitors. Here's a pic of the top folks, after today's results. I know... they're doing pretty schweet! 11th Place!
If I lived in Minnesota, I would so make a cable access show of my brothers fishing. They are hilarious. They have great comic timing and make you laugh until you pee your pants, then they get all grumpy at each other so the drama aspect is there... but it's still funny. And informative. Sometimes I feel like I grew up with Norman and Paul. When they're out fishing, they fall into a rhythm all their own.
This is a pic from a tournament awhile ago of Nathan with his big bass.
Well, good luck guys! I hope you have an awesome day fishing tomorrow! Even if you don't do well, you'll still be way better at it than me and Josh! Hey! That's worth something! :-)
I've been struggling a lot the past few days with feeling like I'm missing the point in my life. Feeling like I'm just generally getting numb to things I used to find fun. Wondering what fun is. I know that sounds lame and depressing, but I honestly think it's a mid-life thing that lots of people go through. After several years of being a cog in the machine. After teaching kids how to slip and score their clay for the nine-kajillionth time. After loading and unloading the dishwasher... again. After trying to balance the bags in your arm while unlocking the door, only to have them fall...again. Looking at the coffee you just dripped down your shirt on the way to work. Accomplishing something others think is great, but really means little to you. Fighting the same battles. Writing "toilet paper" on the grocery list. All of that stuff. It just starts to all feel monotonous and, well, numb.
I got a pair of shoes awhile back that I really liked. The stitching tore on them and they were no longer fit for wearing. This morning I put them on and thought, "You idiot, these shoes are broken. You'll barely get to school and they'll rip and you won't even be able to keep your foot in them anymore. Then what are you going to do?" I ignored the voice, getting tired of hearing it, and put them on anyway. Sure enough, they ripped and my foot wouldn't stay in them. I looked at my ripped shoe and exposed foot and half of me was thinking, "Duh! I told you so!!!" and another half of me was saying, "Well, we're just gonna have to figure something out."
So, I went into my office and duct taped it back together. I taped it on the inside, and you honestly can't see that there's anything wrong with the shoe. It took me about thirty minutes to cut the tape and needle-nose it into place piece by piece. (I actually think I'll be able to get a few more wears out of them now). Then, I got into this whole mental battle about why I would wear shoes I knew were broken to work. What's my deal? Am I going mental?
I started praying, wondering if God was letting me go insane, letting go. And then I started feeling comforted. Like my life needs some duct tape to hold it back together & He has some kind of super-dooper heavy duty duct tape that's way more weatherproof and stain-resistant. His tape would help me to keep appearances up. To keep me moving forward. To keep me together. Anyway, I thought I'd ask people what keeps them from going nutso from the monotony of day to day life. I know many of my friends will say God - but what about Him? Why? How? I'm just curious.
I think I would also have to say that volleyball and surfing keep me sane, unfortunately I haven't been doing either. Josh & my dogs are a big help and I've been taking large doses of them lately. Cleaning kills me though. Oh man, do I hate cleaning. I wish I was a ka-jillionaire so I could hire a maid. That would rule. Okay, I'm ending on a tangent again, but that's nothing new. See? Back to the monotony. Even going on a tangent feels monotonous. Sheesh!
I haven't had time to write about this until now, but Josh and I are reconsidering child options once again. We started talking about it again in December and told our close family and friends to pray. We don't feel like we have to have a child now, immediately, but we think in two years or so we'll be ready to grow our family a bit. Since most adoption processes take a minimum of 1-2 years, I guess that means we start soon.
I mentioned before about the possibility of adopting from the Philippines. When I was in the Philippines in 1998, I spent some time at the Children's Shelter of Cebu. I loved it there. I remember walking in and seeing all the volunteers and all the kids and thinking that if Eden still existed, it had to look something like that. The other shelters I went to were sad places, but here the children were laughing, running, smiling (see photo). I felt a strong bond of love between the staff and kids. I remembered then deciding that whoever I married would have to want to adopt kids from the Philippines because I really wanted to share in that amazing place.
Then I saw the connection that shelter had to Minnesota and Bethel in particular. I went to a few Bethel/Cebu Children's Shelter Christmas parties. Kids who had been adopted from the shelter would go with their families to a big bash, they would have picnics together in the summer, and do more together. I was amazed that these kids weren't alone in the world -- they had the people at the shelter, their fellow orphan families (who continued to connect after adoption), and their adoptive families. Such powerful love.
I didn't think it would, years later, end up so close to my heart though. I was frustrated a few weeks ago because I realized that I was angry that people would look at us and think that we were forced to adopt because of our infertility. It made the whole concept seem less noble, being that I originally wanted to adopt even though I thought I was fully capable of physically having children. I know that my friends and family are not that shallow, however, and that these kids would be fully embraced and spoiled as good as any child that came from my body. That was further made clear to me when a family member approached us over Christmas and said they wanted to help fund the adoption. I am amazed at how prayers of past have led to the moving of hearts today.
At this point, we are just in the researching and praying phase. I have started reading several books about international adoption and have also subscribed to a number of blogs of people who are going through the process themselves. It seems so nerve-wracking yet so exciting all at the same time. Josh and I keep reminding ourselves to be patient, to be smart, to be realistic. But also to be fully dependent on God. I have to quiet all of the what-ifs and wonders (Should we adopt first? Try to have our own again? Quit trying to have our own ever again? Try to make both happen?). My thoughts can be so loud and obnoxious sometimes. Sometimes my head starts asking questions and I have to just say, "STOP!" and force myself to breathe and be still before God.
Anyway, just wanted to fill everyone in and ask for continued prayer. In the meantime, Josh and I have been working hard at paying off debt and working our tails off. This master's program has given me a lot to chew on to keep my mind busy. In a nutshell, I have been enjoying my work, eating, and drinking (mmm...latte). And I've been in good spirits. God has given me a gentle stillness and inner peace even though it seems like I should be in turmoil. That's what rocks about God, he gives us calm during a storm.
"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun." -Ecclesiastes 8:15, NIV
