October 2006 Archives

I've been thinking about the concept of grief a lot over the past year, and have even seen myself go through grieving processes for different things. I recognized this weekend that I was also exhibiting signs of the grieving process when I was coming to terms with the fact that my entire weekend was tanked to homework - again. So, I bring these 5 Stages of Grieving Homework to you, a modified version of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' book, On Death and Dying.

Every weekend, when I look at the piles of books to read and papers to write, I experience the following stages:

1. Denial - This isn't happening to me! I have plenty of time to get this done. I'll just do it Friday night... um... Saturday night... um... Sunday night... sigh.
2. Anger - Why is this happening to me? What was I thinking trying to get my master's degree? Am I stupid? I want to go surfing... the waves are perfect! I'm so stupid to have agreed to this! My teacher doesn't know what she's talking about anyway!
3. Bargaining - Okay, I wont take any more classes after this. I promise. I'll just slow things down. And, this week I'm going to start my homework on Monday so I don't get stuck doing it on Sunday again. For sure. Hey Josh? I have too much homework, would you do the laundry for me so I can concentrate on my homework?
4. Depression - Everyone leave me alone! I have homework to do. I'm going to start it as soon as I'm finished watching this rerun of Cops. And then the rerun of Judge Judy. And then a nap, I'm too tired to do my homework. Don't tell me what to do! I've got a plan to get my homework done and I'll do it when I'm good and ready. Shhhhh! The judge is about to make her verdict...
5. Acceptance - Okay, I gotta get this done. Where should I start, okay, I'll outline my notes first. Then I'll put together my research question and grab some coffee before kicking it at the library for the rest of the day. That should give me full research and a strong outline to go from before 3:00. Let's do it! *turn up homework doing music loudly - suggest Dave Matthew's Band, David Crowder Band, or Beck*

Hopefully, my above stages will help others to move through the homework grieving process and help their loved ones to understand the madness that occurs when your life is sucked up in an evil vortex of too much homework.

As you can see, I'm currently in the denial stage because I'm working on writing this blog instead of actually working on my homework. If all goes well, I will be able to work through my homework grieving stages with lightning speed today so I can meet my deadlines...

Well, I'm more OCD worker than hippie. Okay, a LOT more. I actually told Josh the other day that I wished I was a little more hippie and he looked at me like I was crazy. I countered by saying that there's something comforting about being chilled out in a van down by the river while singing kum-by-yah with friends around a campfire and having everything be so totally awesome, dude. Maybe I'm stereotyping the modern-day hippie, but my current life of OCD worker is really taking it's toll. I'd like to believe that I didn't choose this lifestyle, but then deep down I know that I did - and I wonder if I'm not mildly suicidal in my choice.

Here's a typical day for me:
6:00-6:45 - hit snooze on alarm
7:00 - get out and rush around getting ready for work
7:20 - drive to work
7:45 - 3:00 - teach in a blur, hope I remembered to bring a lunch
3:00 - 3:30 - attempt to contact parents I need to talk to, pick up room,etc.
3:30 - 4:00 - drive to San Jose State University
4:00 - 6:45 - sit in class, take notes, hope my assignment is finished
6:45 - 7:20 - drive to Foothill College in Los Altos
7:30 - 10:00 - sit in class, take notes, hope my assignment is finished
10:15 - 1:00 - get home, eat something, try to do homework, hang out with Josh
1:00 or so - crash & sleep

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How long can a person sustain this? And, again, am I committing a weird kind of over-work suicide? Am I totally mental to try to finish a master's degree while working full time? And can I trust myself to actually chill out a bit after my master's degree is done? Or will I just hop back on the OCD worker train?

I've off set some of my stress by playing volleyball three times a week, which is definitely a good stress relief. I usually do homework non-stop on the weekends except when I call a time-out and do something like take a nap or read a book. But, I'm completely socially non-existent.

I've always mocked the hippie lifestyle, but now it's not looking so bad...

It was my birthday on Wednesday and my sweet niece Jenna called (with family prompting) to wish me a happy birthday. Loved it.