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What Mothers Do

I'm reading this (so far) great book called What Mothers Do Especially When It Looks Like Nothing by Naomi Stadlen. Stadlen is a psychotherapist, breastfeeding counselor, leader of a discussion group called Mothers Talking, and a mother of three. Her book is about "seemingly insignificant skills that mothers practice and refine every day, such as responding to a baby's colicky cry, being instatnly interruptible, or soothing an overstimulated child to sleep" (from the back of the book). It's almost like a psychology/philosophy perspective of mothers.

Stadlen shares lots of stories by different mothers about how they view these different "skills" and categorizes them into skills and experiences that mothers share. While reading, I found myself nodding along with some of her writing and pondering the depths of what it means to be a mother. So, I have decided that I will share my reflections on some of these "skills" in future blog posts so I can remember some of the perspectives and stories I have as a new mother.

By the way, if you are a mother and are into psychology/philosophy, you will probably really enjoy this book!

Howtoons

I wish they had Howtoons around when I was a kid. So, I think I'll just channel my inner child and read now!

From the Howtoons site, this is what it's all about:

Part comic strip and part science experiment, Howtoons shows children how to find imaginative new uses for common household items like soda bottles, duct tape, mop buckets, and more–to teach kids the Tools of Mass Construction!

Howtoons are cartoons that teach 8– to 15–year–old readers "how to" build, create, and explore things. Combining a fun, full–color cartoon format and real life science and engineering principles, Howtoons are designed to encourage kids to become active participants in the world around them.

Readers meet Tucker and Celine, a lovable brother and sister pair. Sick of watching TV and playing video games, Tucker and Celine decide to conquer every kid's nightmare: the dreaded summer o' boredom. Armed with countless ideas for fun projects, they set out to reclaim the sheer joy of playing. Fifteen practical, build–it–yourself projects are weaved into the Tucker and Celine storyline. With the narrators' help and clear step–by–step instructions, young readers will learn how to set up a workshop, create a marshmallow shooting gun, make ice cream without a freezer, play songs on a turkey baster flute, explore a homemade terrarium, launch a pressure–powered rocket, and more!

Utilizing inexpensive, kid–friendly materials, Howtoons will prove that the world at large is infinitely more exciting than anything happening on the TV or computer screen. Plus, each project will provide readers with practical skills and problem solving know–how that they can use in their everyday lives. These funny, interactive Howtoons are sure to inspire independence and creative savvy in young people everywhere.

Link via Makezine.com.

Can't wait to get in the kitchen so I can experience...

LOL. Compliments of Boing Boing.

Baby Books

Since Caleb was born, I've been reading a lot of books. Most of them have been about how to keep your baby alive and thriving, and also on breastfeeding. Here are my thoughts on the books I've read thus far:

• The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two by William Sears and others – I LOVE THIS BOOK. I read it from cover to cover and it pretty much covered everything I wanted to know about helping my baby thrive. Dr. Sears has opinions about how things should be done parenting-wise, but I've found his ideas to be very successful thus far. He does, however, say that ultimately the parenting needs to be what works for the baby and parent while still pushing attachment-style parenting. I really appreciated all of the doctoral advice so that I feel like more of an expert on caring for my son. Definitely recommended reading.


• The Breastfeeding Book: Everything You Need to Know About Nursing Your Child from Birth Through Weaning by Martha Sears and others – Again, I love the Sears' books. This book helped me much more than the other breastfeeding book I read. It was very clear, had great pictures, detailed a lot of research, and just had a good overall tone to it. The difficulties I have encountered breastfeeding were all addressed in this book and it has helped me to feel more confident.


• So That's What They're For!: The Definitive Breastfeeding Guide by Janet Tamaro – At first, I got this book over the other breastfeeding books because it seemed to have a sense of humor, which I wanted at the time. Once Caleb was born, however, I wanted the information without all the humor and it drove me nuts. Things like, "My breasts are engorged - tell me how to fix it and stop making jokes!!!" So, I ended up putting it down part way through and picked up The Breastfeeding Book instead.


• Baby Minds: Brain-Building Games Your Baby Will Love by Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn – I haven't finished reading this one yet because most of the games in here don't apply to little Caleb yet. I tried peek-a-boo several times and that just freaks him out. He looks horrified. So, we do things like watching the cat, looking at the framed drawings on the wall in my living room, singing songs (well, I sing the songs anyway), dancing around the room (am I ruining his Baptist heritage already!?!), and cuddling.. He is not really interested in games yet. So, I shelved it and will pick it back up in a few months to see if he actually has interest in any of the things in the book yet.


• The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family by William Sears and others - Honestly, we haven't really needed this book. Caleb sleeps really well so far and I've been feeling rested as well. He still wakes to eat every three hours or so, but it's all relaxed and stuff. He very rarely wakes up crying and I usually am able to get him feeding before he has a chance to get mad. I learned most of the sleep techniques we're using from The Baby Book, but got this book just to learn more about the subject. This book goes into more detail about reasons babies wake, the science of a sleeping baby, weaning, different techniques for putting babies down to sleep, etc. I'm glad I read it so I have an arsenal of knowledge for if/when we do face different sleeping issues.


• Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality by Laura A. Jana and Jennifer Shu - I finished this book just before Caleb was born. I got it when I realized that I had been learning so much about pregnancy and birth but that I didn't really have a plan in place for when the baby was born. And "wing it" didn't work for me. ("Wing it" was actually our official birth plan and it ended up being pretty successful for us...) This book went over a ton of basics like bathing your baby, taking his temperature, safe sleeping, etc. Honestly, there was very little in here that I didn't know already and I wish that I had just read The Baby Book But, this book was much more concise and basic so it would've been a good starting place for people without a lot of baby experience.


• Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More, Argue Less, and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O'Neill, and Julia Stone – This book was funny, honest, and had some good ideas in it. Honestly though, I think Josh and I would've figured this stuff out on our own anyways since we're pretty good communicators and we love to laugh. I liked reading the different male/female perspectives of what adding a baby means to the family unit and Josh and I discussed some of the stuff in here. I would read some of the real-life stories to Josh and he'd be like, "Whoa, you'd never do that to me." Indeed I wouldn't. Who ARE these people that turn on each other after their babies are born??? Overall, it was a good read and brought up some interesting discussion points.

Now I'm on to reading some other books that are very interesting thus far. I'm still into the "motherhood" genre since I'm new to the game. My favorite part about reading books about motherhood is that, though I've been home alone parenting Caleb, I feel connected to many mothers throughout the world and time. Reading the stories and thoughts of others who have gone through motherhood helps me to find more value in the importance of mothering and also helps me to feel like I'm a part of something big and important. I'll write more about the books I'm reading later.

Breasts: Not Just For Selling Beer

LOL. The book I'm reading has this as one of it's subtitles in the section on how to breastfeed in public. I found this excerpt to be poignant:

We can't let a discussion of nursing in public pass without commenting on one of life's ironies. In American culture breasts are exposed everywhere – in movies, in magazines, and especially in advertising. The woman who wears a cleavage-revealing swimsuit at the beach or public pool doesn't have to worry about social disapproval. But the new mother venturing out with her baby to a dimly lit restaurant with her husband shakes in her shoes when she discreetly nurses her baby with a shawl draped over both her breast and the baby's head. "What if someone says something?" she worries.

The chapter goes on to talk about how it is often easier to breastfeed in front of strangers than friends or family. If a stranger doesn't approve of your breastfeeding, it's not as traumatic as if Aunt Crabbypants scowls at you and makes some comment about how "indecent" you are. I'm just lucky I don't have an Aunt Crabbypants (at least I don't think I do!).

At least congress passed a law that states that it's okay for nursing mothers to breastfeed on federal property. And, most states have laws that specifically protect breastfeeding as well. I like that I can quote the law to anyone who would scoff at me. I haven't had to do that though since Northern California is generally very supportive of breastfeeding. (I think I'd be more likely to get scoffed at for using formula around here!)

My Diapering Dilemma

There are parenting dilemmas that need decisions. Breastmilk or formula? Pacifiers or no pacifiers? Have mom stay home or go back to work? Which (of the many) sleeping arrangements will you choose? Disposable or cloth diapers?

Most of the issues, Josh and I have been able to figure out just fine. The only one we can't figure out is the disposable vs. cloth debate. I read up on the subject in books, magazines, and on Wikipedia.

The truth is, I hate this issue. I feel cornered. I feel like no matter what option I choose (short of holding my child over a compost pile whenever he has to go), I'm hurting the environment. And it makes me mad. And I wonder why there are no other options thought up by some genius or something. If a diaper company made a biodegradable disposable diaper, they would totally make bank. So, why hasn't anyone done it?

Or... why doesn't the U.S. government reconsider their waste management altogether? The whole topic just leaves me angry and scratching my head.

Meet A REAL Cow!

I spoke of this before, but it's now becoming a real cool thing to bring the farm to the city so the "city kids" can learn about farming.

Now, you can go to Whole Foods in Cupertino this month to MEET A REAL COW! Not a fake one. A REAL ONE!

I laughed the entire time we were grocery shopping. Josh would look over at me, and I'd be smiling and muttering to myself, "Meet a real cow...heh heh heh."

I realized then that if we stay in California while Caleb is older, he too will have to meet his first cow at a supermarket. In Minnesota, "meeting a real cow" means shoveling manure for an entire weekend. That's how you truly get to know cows! :-)

I don't think this concept of meeting farm animals in the city will ever get old to me. It's amazing how far removed people have become from the farms that provide our means to survive. I think I'm going to take Caleb to Whole Foods to meet his first cow just so I can get some great hilarious pictures and make loud "When I was a kid..." statements!

Occupational Medicine

Some of you may remember the work injury I had this summer when I sliced my finger on a table saw in the wood shop. Something funny happened as a result of this back in August that was hilarious and I forgot to blog it then, so here goes!

I showed up to Cupertino Occupational Medicine, a clinic that treats injuries sustained while on the job, for my final check-up on August 20th. I walked in to the waiting room and saw two people with broken bones, one guy who got whipped in the face with barbed wire, and a few others with less obvious injuries. One lady was there with her young son waiting for treatment. Her son asked her why they didn't just go to their regular doctor and she told him that it was because people came here for injuries that happened as a result of their jobs. The boy nodded and looked around the room at all the different injuries. He then looked over at me, a voluptuous 37 weeks pregnant. His eyes opened up wide and he exclaimed to his mother, "What happened to HER!?!"

Everyone looked at me with varied expressions. I looked down at my belly, horrified that my pregnancy had been dubbed as a work related injury. Several people in the waiting room chuckled while the mother explained to her child that I was probably (hopefully) there for something else. LOL.

Fun Things To Do on the Internet!

Well, I've been reading different magazines and putzing around the Net here and there, and I have come up with a list of fun things to do on the Internet! Enjoy!

1. Get the Glass – A game by the Got Milk? people where you try to help these little dudes get the coveted glass of milk.
2. Jackson Pollock – Create your own Jackson Pollock style artwork by splattering paint with the click of a mouse! When you go there, the page comes up blank. Just start moving your mouse around to splatter and click to change colors. Press the space bar to erase your painting and start over.
3. Lite Brite – Remember having a lite brite when you were a kid? Now you can play with an online Lite Brite!
4. Pop Bubble Wrap – Like to pop bubble wrap but run out too soon? Pop some online! This one is a little lame though... real bubble wrap is way more fun.
5. Virtual Trophy – Make a virtual trophy and give it to someone. You get to choose what the trophy is for!
6. Make a Gas Station Sign – Have a cool idea for your own gas station sign (such as "Web Browsing Does Not Count as Surfing")? Make your own and keep the pic.
7. Write a Ransome Note – You know those old-school ransome notes made from cut outs from different magazine letters? Now the Internet will make one for you!

Thanks to random television watching and Real Simple Family for helping me find these sites!

Sling it! Sling it Good!

Josh and I have been practicing attachment parenting techniques, and have therefore been slinging Caleb a lot. It's been pretty good so far and we are both enjoying getting to know our son at such close range.

Now, my sling is getting too tight for Caleb and I, so I am in the market for a new one. I wish that this Babywearing book was still published so I could learn cool moves for babywearing... but it's out of print and now being sold used for way too much money. None of the local libraries have it either. Does anybody have a copy?

I went to the Mountain View, CA, La Leche League meeting last Monday and learned more about different slings and pouches and stuff. The ladies there had different slings they used, and I learned about ones that are adjustable as your baby grows. After much research, I splurged some birthday money to get a Zolowear sling and pouch. They should arrive in about a week and I am pumped! I want to learn how to be awesome and breastfeed discreetly while functioning in public! That will take some serious practice though. Check out some of the Zolowear Videos to see how the slings and pouches work.

Oh, and I thought the La Leche League ladies would be all tough and militant. I went to their meeting just to check it out, and it was actually a room full of reasonable, logical, intelligent women and their babies. We talked about different mothering and breastfeeding issues and I really enjoyed my time with them so I'm going back! Not a group I thought I'd hang out with, but YAY! I found moms who are smart and are devoted to loving their kids! The best part was (finally) being in a room where babies cry and need diaper changes and, well, act like babies, and the women just carry on their conversations and pause to tend to their babies as needed. SO COOL!

Caleb Updates

Caleb can roll from his back to his side. He gets all frustrated and grunts a lot, then starts rocking with his head until he gets on his side. Then he has a look of extreme satisfaction.

Caleb can flail his arms to turn on the music of his Smart Start Turtle. You just have to bump the legs and it turns on. He will flail until the music starts, then freeze and listen very seriously. When the music stops, he cries out and then starts flailing again.

Caleb can watch the mobile on his crib go round and round. He flails his arms and legs and makes funny noises. We have this one on video and I'll link to it when I have time to get it up.

If you lay Caleb on his belly and put your hands on his feet, he will straighten out his legs causing him to move forward. If there is something ahead of him that he wants (like Daddy), he will do this repeatedly until he can get to it. This also has lots of grunts and head bobs associated with it.

Caleb loves taking baths. He never cries and loves to listen to me sing and talk to him during the bath.

Caleb does not sleep well during the day. He just gets crabbier and crabbier until I can finally woo him down. That's been our new focus is teaching him to sleep during nap times. He seems to just want to stay awake and take in all of the daytime stuff. I've had to bring him into dark, boring rooms for hours to calm him down enough to sleep. Josh can also get him to sleep pretty easily in the Baby Bjorn. I think Caleb falls asleep better with Josh than me when he's crabby because he knows Josh can't feed him!

Caleb sleeps well at night. Usually for 3-4 hours straight before waking for a feeding. I usually lay down with him around 8:00 p.m. and nurse him to sleep. He seems to be pretty mellow and ready to sleep by evening time!

So, those are the Caleb updates. He's now 34 days old.

I'm Okay With That

It's been interesting to see how I adapt from crazy-busy Stephanie to Mommy Stephanie. While teaching art full time, crazy-busy Stephanie finished her master's degree, National Board Certification, several art classes, CLAD credential, BTSA program (don't ask), and California teaching credential in an amazing four years. She also took on many side gigs such as grant writing, technology development, freelance design and teaching projects, mentoring new teachers... you get the idea. Now, I do none of that. I am Mommy Stephanie.

The hardest part about being mommy Stephanie is changing my clock from "normal time" to "Caleb time." Caleb time is an elusive schedule that I cannot download to my iCal and usually doesn't even make sense. Caleb time is not orderly, predictable, or even sensical. Just yesterday, I figured out how to make it all work though. I stop, take a breath, and say, "I'm okay with that."

Let me explain. Today, I was pulling out of the Babies 'R Us parking lot on my way home. Cue Caleb and his definitive "Oh man, I'm in the car seat ALONE" cry. I have nicknamed Caleb "Velociraptorcaleb" when he does this. I pulled off the road (back into the Babies 'R Us parking lot), and climbed in the back seat to nurse him, which led to changing his diaper, which led to nursing him again, which led to many jaunts of burping him, rocking him, singing songs, having a one-sided conversation... Then I thought, "Come on Caleb, I want to get home! Hurry up!" Sensing my own frustration, I stopped and was wondering what my big hurry was. Then, I envisioned myself staying longer in the parking lot to care for and love my child and thought, "I'm okay with that." I stayed another hour just rocking and loving him to sleep. That was one excellent hour and I'm glad I took it. I drove home with a peaceful, sleeping baby in the back.

Here are other things I have decided that I am okay with:

• Being "thicker" than usual for the next several however-many-months-it-takes without obsessing over dieting and crazy exercise.
• Changes in friendships with my friends who are not fans of children.
• Taking the worlds fastest showers.
• Eating cold meals one-handed while standing.
• The extra laundry.
• Sharing tasks with my husband.
• Not cleaning my floors or bathrooms for, well, I won't tell you how bad it is. :-)
• Only checking my e-mail every other day, replying to some of the e-mails once a week.
• Phone? Call you back? Probably not.
• Being late to things. Or skipping them altogether.
• Having to pick my clothes the day before I wear them and setting them in the bathroom so I can change quickly the next day.
• Not being able to reach my book while holding Caleb, which causes me to sit there and sing broadway musicals in my head to keep entertained. This can take hours.
• Not worrying about what is happening to my art program.
• Calling myself lucky if I accomplish one non-Caleb thing each day.

As you can see, Mommy Stephanie has had to learn a whole new approach to life. It's calmer and streamlined. Only the most important stuff stays. Everything else gets cancelled or completely ignored altogether. It's a different kind of life, but I'm okay with that.

My daily reminder to myself: When I am on my deathbed, I will not regret that I didn't have a cleaner house.