Recently in My Life Category

I find it interesting that the more serious of spiritual and life battles are often fought internally or in such a way that they are not public. I have been specifically considering families that have dealt with miscarriage or infertility. The only outward sign of this life trial is that the couple has no children, but a stranger or someone not in-the-know might just infer that they chose not to have children.

Now, a couple (especially the woman) dealing with this constantly sees around them all of the families who have children. You see the kids running around, the other mothers and fathers speak of their children, etc. But no one knows of my lost babes by looking at me; they will only know if I choose to speak of them. It is so easy to look around and see all of God's blessings (children) given to other families and then to think inwardly of your own missing children and feel alone in your struggle.

Now, wouldn't it be interesting if women also bore an outward sign of children they have lost? Or children they couldn't have?

I recognize that that would possibly cause more problems than it would solve. Like the adulteress forced to wear a capital "A" on her chest, the woman who could not bear living children would most likely struggle with much shame and guilt. On the other hand, it could give much hope, or at least perspective, to other women experiencing similar trials.

After I had my first miscarriage, women came out of the woodwork to share that they too have gone through that trial. I was astounded because had I never known anybody who dealt with it before my own loss. And after my second miscarriage, even more women came out of the woodwork. How would my life have been altered if (1) before I even had children I was aware that child loss happens so frequently and (2) I was able to easily identify other women who lived through this life trial while also enduring my own? Would easily being able to identify women in my own shared-experience-community allow for greater healing, life perspective, or at least understanding of a sovereign God?

I am in no way saying that women should bear any sign of lost children unless by personal choice. I'm not even sure if it's something I would ever do (unless you consider this blog to be an outward symbol of my losses).

Baby 1 - Lost around June 6th, 2002
Baby 2 - Lost December 9th, 2002
Baby 3 - Lost February 4, 2004
Baby 4 - Lost July 12th, 2006
Baby 5 - Born September 5th, 2007 - Caleb Stephen
Baby 6 - Born December 9th, 2009 - Jack Edward

(It's fun to have this blog because I can see how my willingness to yield to God's decisions has changed from Baby 1 to now. From confusion to anger to disbelief to peace to worship and praise. I'll share that journey at a later time.)

I have been trying to find ways to remember the lives of the four babes I have not known. I hope to someday mark their lives perhaps on my own gravestone (since they never got one of their own). I try to remember them on holidays and I always remember them on the dates that I lost them. I most often think of them when I dream of heaven. I wonder what it will be like to meet four children raised to perfection by God Himself. Blows my mind. Family reunion indeed.

Two things running through my mind these days:

Thing 1: The Woman Who Fears the Lord
I've started reading Proverbs 31:10-31 on a daily basis. I actually typed it out (here it is if you'd like a copy) and have it posted upstairs and downstairs for me to read regularly. I think it's been essential to keeping my wits about me some days. It's easy to feel like I'm trudging through days not making a difference, but this helps me see that serving and loving others is one of the biggest differences I can make! I am so thankful that God continues to prune my branches and refine me. I hope to commit this section of Proverbs to memory so that God's truth will be able to emerge in my thoughts when I don't have my little printout with me.

On a similar note, Nancy Leigh DeMoss is doing a series on Proverbs 31 that I am looking forward to called The Counter-Cultural Woman. Enjoy it yourself if you're interested.

Thing 2: Project 52: Date Nights
Josh and I have decided to make a bold move and put our marriage first by jumping on the Project 52: Date Nights bandwagon. Basically, we've committed to doing a date once a week for the next year. Here are the terms of our agreement:

• Every Friday night from 9:30 -10:30 p.m. is our date night. We can change it to a different day in advance if we'd like.
• Majority of the time the dates will be at home so we don't need babysitters.
• We rotate being in charge of date nights every other week.
• Can't do the same thing twice in one month.
• Dates need to be free most of the time. If not free, then under a budget of $30. Cheaper than if we went out.
• No children allowed. (Except the occasional newborn if we both agree...)
• Must create a date-like atmosphere. No frumpy clothes or pajamas. Make it a special event. Mind the details. But most of all, keep it simple.
• Must commit to engaging with the other person and being positive in doing what his or her date night entails (like, if Josh wanted us to stare at a snow globe for our date night then I'd have to do the best snow globe staring I can do without complaining that it's lame...)

We've already had one date, Josh took me to see Avatar. I have some Valentine's plans for us this week. The beauty of it so far is that we are actually taking initiative to plan dates. Previous to this there was a whole lot of "What do you want to do?" "I dunno, what do you want to do?" "Ummm... let's watch T.V." "Ummm... OK." I know, hot, right?

So, here's to my marriage and my sweet geeky man. I love him and I'm so thankful that now we have some semblance of a plan to love and enjoy each other.

35 Weeks Pregnant 4, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

Here I am at 35 weeks pregnant! I have slowly been abandoning my cute pregnancy clothes as they are proving to not fit so well anymore. I have moved into the "please someone, help this poor woman" line of maternity clothes for this last stretch of the journey.

Hopefully I'll go into labor naturally in the coming weeks. But, my liver has not been doing so well and my pelvic bone keeps twisting and separating, causing some serious pain. This could mean an induction if all medical signs point to "yes" (on the magic 8 ball that we all know that doctors use).

Regardless, I'm at that point in pregnancy where I have a very strong "bring it on" feeling toward labor. As I said during my last pregnancy, if giving birth meant that I had to get hit by a moving semi truck, I would be in the middle of the freeway right now! So, patience for me until the right time, then focus, then love and enjoyment of this little guy.

Since my last fun and exciting pregnancy update, I have more to add. First, it turns out that my heart and blood pressure issues were from an allergic reaction to the progesterone shots I was getting. So, they took me off of those and I got much better. I continued with a (mostly) modified diet based on the recommendations given to me at the time.

Then, maybe a month ago a test I took at the doctor showed that I might have gestational diabetes. So, they did the 3 hour test and the whole test showed bad blood sugar until the end of the last hour where I was totally fine. So, my body is not technically diabetic, it just takes forever to process sugars. Who knows. So, had to do some diet modifications. Yay, fun!

A few weeks ago I got all swollen and woke up in the middle of the night because I couldn't bend my fingers. My blood pressure was borderline-high so I went in to the doctor. It showed some protein deposits in my urine, but not enough to make me preeclamptic. Basically, my liver is starting to fail and I will hopefully make it through the rest of this pregnancy without it actually failing. If my liver does fail, then they'll have to deliver the baby immediately. Today I'm almost to 32 weeks, so every day is a blessing. I'm hoping to get at least to 37 weeks so I can have a full term pregnancy. And I'm also hoping to not have liver failure since that totally stinks.

I started having severe hip pain about 2 weeks ago. It was to the point that I was maybe getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night. I went to my doctor (I'm starting to feel sorry for my doctor. Am I the crazy lady they talk about in the break room?) and she said my hips had too much pain and sent me to a chiropractic maternal specialist. I went there a week ago and they found (1) that my pelvic bone was separating, (2) that my left hip was almost popped out of the socket, and (3) that the back of my pelvic bone was tilting into my body. So, they popped my hip back in (ouch!), hit me with a chiropractic hammer looking thing to get my hip tilted the correct way, and pressed my pelvic bone back together. Then they wrapped me up in a belt. I was sore for about 3 days, but have been feeling much much better. I've also been getting about 8 hours of sleep a night since then. Yay! My hips will need to be watched through and after the pregnancy to make sure that everyone stays lined up as they should be. (Sidenote: my body started producing it's own progesterone a couple of months ago, alleviating my need for progesterone supplements. Unfortunately, this increases my production of relaxin, which causes all of my joints to separate like crazy. Yay, fun!)

So, yeah, I'm almost 32 weeks. That means I have at least 5 more weeks to go before I'm considered full term, and possibly up to 8 weeks before the baby is born.

I am requesting that this child be exquisite in every way and eventually save the world or something. That would make all this pain & dealing with every bizarre side effect much better. The end question is, dare I attempt pregnancy again? Will side effects get better or worse? Probably a crap shoot, so we'll just get this one out and hopefully some semblance of health and sanity will return to me. Eventually. Hopefully.

Scene 1 - At Menards!

Caleb has quite the vocabulary and has to vocalize everything he's thinking pretty much all day long. Today we were at Menards and it went like this:

Caleb: Mama, where all the pretty ladies go?

Me: What???

Caleb: Hmmmmm... [points to a man] Is that a pretty lady??? ...No.

Me: [thinking my kid is so clever]

Caleb: [points to a woman] Is that a pretty lady??? [woman ignores us] ...NO! Hmmm... [points to another woman] Is that a pretty lady??? [she looks at us] ...NO! Hmmm... where all the pretty lady go? Hmmm...

Me: [backs away from the scene of the crime]

Scene 2 - No Poot.

A couple weeks ago I took Caleb with me to the ladies restroom at a busy restaurant. (Please note, he pronounces "poop" as "poot.") While we were in the stall, Caleb loudly gave a play-by-play to everyone in the room.

Caleb: Mama, you go potty! Yay, mama! You did it! Yay! Mama, did you go poot? Oh no! Mama, how come no poot? You can do it! You can do it! Go again Mama, go poot! Yay! You can do it!

Me: [whispering] No, Caleb, I don't have to go poop right now.

Caleb: Oh no! No poot? Oh no, Mama. You can do it! Go again, go more, you can do it!

Me: No, Caleb, I'm all done going potty, let's go wash our hands.

Caleb: But no poot! Washa da hands with no poot? Oh no, Mama!

When we came out of the stall there were several women laughing. All of them were looking at us, so I said, "In case any of you were wondering, I did not go poop just now." They burst out laughing. One of them thanked me for making her day. Another woman spoke for awhile about, "Oh, I remember those days! Just priceless!"

Yay, motherhood.

9th Anniversary, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

Yesterday, Josh and I celebrated nine years of marriage. I know, nine years? Wow. That's a lot.

This last year has been a rocky one. It followed up moving across the country from California to Minnesota (in with my parents for a bit) and then buying a new house. Josh got a job, lost a job, and found another job. I got pregnant and have had lots of health issues from it. Caleb became a toddler (both wonderful and screamy). Life got a bit dark at times. We were both tired. A lot.

But, you know what? My husband and I are still in love like we were when we were younger. Only now it's a stronger, more time tested, wiser, holier kind of love. It's the kind of love that is built in Christ and can actually withstand those crappy kind of years. And even fill them with many holy and wonderful moments. And still the laughter. I love loving Josh. I think it's my favorite hobby.

This pic is of us stopping to pick up my eyeglasses before heading out to Daniela's for some gelato affogato. Oh my, I am pretty sure that's my favorite dessert of all time. We also tried out a new Mexican restaurant and it had excellent salsa, tolerable tacos, and NO horchata. We'll keep looking.

Tangent: California had a TON of awesome Mexican restaurants, and so far MN is pretty blah. A quick plug: I think maybe the best tacos so far have been at Dora's, but their horchata is not tasty and they're a long drive away. Actually, I pretty much judge a Mexican restaurant by the quality of their tacos and horchata. And also by how much cheese they put on my beans. Everything else is meh.

Also, thanks to Nathan & Kristin for watching Caleb for us. Caleb is still talking about catching frogs with Nathan. Boys!

Oh, did I mention that my husband is wonderful? He is. I was trying to write some clever post about how wonderful he is, and have yet to clearly put it all in words. I'll keep working on it.

So, last week was not the best week for the Lewis family. The quick summary is that I started having health symptoms that are scary, and the cause was likely linked to problems with my heart and blood. So, after lots of fatigue, dizzy spells, heart monitors, doctors visits, and obsessing over fine details about what possibly be causing the problem, I am finally getting (sorta) better. The rest of this post includes finer details of this for those who are interested, because who doesn't like to read the many details of other peoples' health problems?

My pregnancy (then at 19 weeks) had been going along pretty smoothly with only minor symptoms. I had been getting treatment for low progesterone (shots & prescription), but other than that, I told Josh that this pregnancy was "a gift from heaven" compared to my last pregnancy. Then I went to the car show.

On June 20th, the Lewis and Petersons clans went with Pop Lewis to the 50's Car Show at the MN State Fairgrounds to celebrate Father's Day. While there I experienced ringing in my ears, followed by sweaty chills, then crazy vertigo, and then everything in my vision "folded" and turned to blackness. I was able to sit down and get back to some sense of normal by eating a bratwurst smothered in kraut and drinking a coke. I chalked this episode up to being hungry and hot.

But, I continued having those episodes after that, although I had finally figured out the order of symptoms before I blacked out and would just sit as soon as I got ringing in my ears. I started getting really tired most of the time and then started having almost constant dizziness and vertigo. I would regularly have to tell myself, "The ground is actually flat, just move your feet and trust that you won't fall." I was also so tired that I would sometimes have to take a break half way when walking down my stairs. At that point I thought, "Okay, I know pregnancy makes you tired, but this is insane."

So, I called the doctor and she had me come in. They did a bunch of blood tests & other tests, but here are the results that are pertinent. My blood pressure was 90/56. My resting heart rate was 115. That's bad. My blood work turned out normal except that my iron was borderline low. So, I was sent to the hospital to get a Holter monitor. Luckily, this test showed that my heart had no abnormalities, other than an elevated heart rate.

After talking with the cardiologist and pouring over my medical history, the doctor found that less than 1/2 of 1% of patients receiving progesterone [shot form] had the symptoms I was having. So, they took me off the progesterone shots and I'll continue taking my daily progesterone prescription. Because of my borderline low iron, I started taking an iron supplement. Because of the messed up blood pressure and heart rate, I now have a really fun diet (no salt, no sugar, no bad oils, etc.). That, and I get to monitor my blood pressure and heart rate for the remainder of this pregnancy. I have to call the doctor if my pressure goes under 90/60 and my resting heart rate goes over 100. While all of this is a pain, it has so far been helping me feel better. I still get tired and mildly dizzy, but so far no blacking out and no vertigo.

I am also supposed to "say no to everything" and sit with my feet up as often as possible. Because of the low blood pressure, that brings a higher concern for swollen ankles, blood pooling in the feet, and blood clots. So, I guess that brings my volunteering to an end for awhile, and gives me lots of time at home with Caleb. (Luckily, Caleb has really taken to painting and coloring with markers over the past couple of weeks, he will do this for 1-2 hours!!! Can I just say that this is so far the art teacher's dream child?)

Because my last pregnancy ended in preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome, it is important that we watch my progesterone levels in this pregnancy through to the very end. It is also important for the health of the baby that my progesterone levels remain high and stable. Because the prescription progesterone has unpredictable absorption rates, unlike the shots which are in the high ninety-percentiles, I may end up "taking one for the team" during this pregnancy. That means I would need to start the shots again and go on some kind of bed rest to keep my blood pressure and heart rate as close to normal as possible. So, I'm pretty much walking a fun line between kidney/liver failure and losing the baby OR heart failure. I think with all the progesterone monitoring and heart monitoring it should be pretty manageable. Not fun, but manageable. However, prayers are certainly appreciated!

Also, if you have any really good heart healthy food recipes, please send them my way! I mean, seriously, no salt, butter, or sugar? It's getting rough on me. Wait, there is one good thing from all of this. My doctor told me that when I feel really weak and my blood pressure starts dropping, I should have a couple of cups of coffee. The caffeine raises blood pressure! WOO!

I told Josh that I think I should start doing our taxes for next year, if that doesn't raise my blood pressure, I don't know what will.

This is the official announcement that Josh and I are expecting baby #2 in mid-December!

So far the pregnancy has gone very well and we have finally been over the many positive markers that make us feel open to tell others (especially the fact that people have started looking quizzically at my growing belly). At this point we are very excited, and feeling tired in advance of all the extra hoopla that a second child will bring. I am glad that I feel much more confident this time around.

As many of you know, I have a history of miscarriage - 4 to be exact. With Caleb I was doped up on progesterone supplements (just a random dosage) until I was 20 weeks along and was also put on several bed rests. I was eventually induced with him after being diagnosed with preeclampsia and HELPP Syndrome. After a lonely 6 day hospital stay, we finally brought Caleb home along with blood pressure equipment and regular calls to our nurse. (Really makes you want to try for another child, doesn't it?)

I will say that my tumultuous pregnancy history has left me both smarter and more skeptical about medical processes and my body in general. It has increased my faith in God immensely. That being said, I think this pregnancy is going much better in part due to much more informed medical care and a very good doctor. I have been getting progesterone weekly, this time it is regularly adjusted to make up for what my body is (or is not... usually the case) producing. (Caleb likes to go into the clinic and loudly announce, "Mama SHOT!!!" to the receptionist.) I have also had regular ultrasounds to show that my cervix has developed correctly (unlike 2 of my miscarriages where it just fell apart while the baby was still alive). My doctor has also been doing more regular physical check-ups as well as monitoring both my nutrition, my activity, and my hormone levels.

After nearly blacking out at a car show a couple of weeks ago, I noticed a pattern of ringing in my ears, dizziness, nausea, clamming up, and near fainting whenever I am "up and about" for awhile. My doctor looked into this and said that my body basically cannot handle activities that rely on the large blood vessels, so I am not to do them anymore. The obsessive workaholic in me feels like a slacker, but I do treasure the health of this child over my fantastic work ability, so I sit and make lists for other people when I need help with something.

During my last doctor visit my doctor said, "Would you listen to that baby move? I haven't heard a baby move like that for a long time." She paused, looked at Caleb, and asked, "Did he move a lot?"

I replied, "Oh, yes. I actually had bruises down the left side of my rib cage from his moving."

She said, "Well, I think you're really going to have your hands full with these two."

I have recently been nick-naming this child Hyper-Hypo since I'm a little over 15 weeks and his/her movement sometimes makes me stop and consciously refocus my breathing & balance. I don't think I felt Caleb moving until I was maybe 19 weeks or so. So, perhaps little Hyper-Hypo Lewis is just living it up in there right now. Like a little hummingbird swimming in nectar.

Also, I am not bringing anything to any Christmas gatherings, so be forewarned. I've actually started mapping out my Christmas gifts (crazy, I know) already so I can have them ready well in advance of the "launch date." We are also working on reorganizing Caleb's room to accommodate two little monsters instead of just one. I am in the market for a toddler bed, but am really eyeing this one. Last, I am working out a plan to get back in shape & lose some weight after I've healed from this baby. I didn't lose all of my baby weight with Caleb and I don't want to keep tacking on a few pounds with every child. I'm so serious about this I wish I could start now, but you know, the whole high-risk, passing out, still nursing the toddler thing is keeping me from that. But, I can put together a plan and imagine myself in my favorite jeans again.

So, there's the news. Hooray and hooray! We pray that, Lord willing, we will add this fourth member to our family come December. Thank you in advance for all of your love and prayers.

(Here's Josh's post on this news.)

Caleb and Ella, our miniature dachshund, are best buds. They are pretty much always by each other. They play fetch with Ella's toys, he gives her dog treats, she comes when he calls her (sometimes), they sit by each other and cuddle under a blanket when we're on the couch together. Sometimes Caleb will even go inside of Ella's kennel ("Her kennel, where she goes night night.") and shout, "Woof! Woof! Ella! Ella! Woof!"

Once the weather got really cold, I had to re-potty train Ella. She was like, "I'm not going out there!" and would go hide under blankets until her bladder was about to explode and she'd go somewhere out of sight from me. So, I was watching her very closely, looking for signs that she had to go outside, re-teaching her how to show me that she had to go outside, catching her doing the naughty in my house, and praising her when she got it right.

Okay, enough with the lead up exposition and on with the main story.

I was changing Caleb's diaper and I saw Ella slink off into our bedroom. I could tell by her slinking that she was going to go to the bathroom. So, I set Caleb down on the floor (naked at this point) and went into my room where Ella was in the middle of peeing on my bed(!). I scolded Ella and put her outside, only to realize that Caleb was gone. So, I ran around looking for him and finally found him sitting, naked, in Ella's kennel. And you know what he was doing? Peeing.

Take that, Ella.

[Note: This was originally posted on my fighterverse.com site, but I have since given it up. It attempt to archive a few of the things I wrote, I am reposting it here on the original date that I wrote it.]

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. (1 Thessalonians 5:14-22 ESV)

Considering my recent circumstances, learning this verse has helped me a great deal. My husband has been somewhat fainthearted - sad because he lost a job he loved, weary from the emotional weight, and struggling to reorient himself to looking for a job. And what am I to do? Encourage him. Be patient with him.

While it has been easier than usual to "pray without ceasing" (isn't it always easier when life is hard? I need to remember to pray without ceasing even when things are going well...), it has been more of a challenge to "rejoice always" and "give thanks in all circumstances."

After my husband lost his job, my son got the stomach flu and threw up around 10 times during the night. The next day, I got it, and couldn't keep any food down for a good 48 hours. The following day, you guessed it, Josh was sick too. So, here I am, trying to comfort my son and husband while feeling my own stomach revolt against me... and rejoice??? Give thanks???

This is why I am so thankful for Scripture. There are so many times when I think, "Well, the Bible says to do it so I'm just going to do it even though I don't feel like it." So, I started rejoicing and giving thanks for anything I could think of. Then God was gracious and continued to open my eyes to His goodness, His redemption, His grace and mercy.

Praises to the great God of Comfort, who continues to reveal His great mercies to me and my family.

[Note: This was originally posted on my fighterverse.com site, but I have since given it up. It attempt to archive a few of the things I wrote, I am reposting it here on the original date that I wrote it.]

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1b-3a ESV)

My husband lost his job today.

Here's the story: My son, Caleb, and I went to the Children's museum for a fun day of exploration. We did something in every exhibit and finally ended up playing in a pool of bubbles. My cell phone rang and it was Josh, "Hi, honey. Um... can you sit down?" I was leaning over Caleb, holding the back of his shirt to keep him from jumping in the water.

"Okay, I'm sitting." I lied.

"[My Company] just laid off a bunch of people today. And, I'm one of them."

I didn't panic or cry or get angry. I just mumbled something like, "Okay. Well, okay. We'll just have to trust God and see where this takes us." Josh asked me if I could leave the museum to get him immediately. About a quarter of the employees at his company were laid off that day and it wasn't exactly the best place to remain at the moment.

When I had finally navigated the skyways to get to my car, I saw that my iPod was plugged in and continuously playing my memory song for this week's fighter verse. I left it playing as I drove from St. Paul to Minneapolis to pick up my husband. My thoughts interspersed with the verses that sang out from the car stereo:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you...
What can this world do to me when I have the most important gift, redemption in Christ?

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you... they shall not overwhelm you...
My God is the same God who allowed the Israelites to pass through waters unharmed, even as their enemy pressed in behind them. Will not this same God protect my family?

When you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
My God is the same God who allowed Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to pass through the fiery furnace unharmed after they refused to worship King Nebuchadnezzar's golden idol. Will not this same God protect my family?

For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
Yes, you are the Lord. You are my God. You are Holy. And you are my Savior. I have nothing to fear.

What a joy to have my fear replaced with praise and glory to God. Meditate on His Word day and night and see if your spirit too begins to rejoice in the face of trials.

I took these 2008 reflection questions from simplemom.

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year
Moving back to Minnesota into our lovely house.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Moving. We were living in California and we had two weeks to pack all of our belongings (including 1 full pod and 2 cars), clean our old place, and move to Minnesota. This involved being stranded in the San Francisco Airport with 2 dogs, a cat, and a five-month-old, taking a crazy drive in the middle of the night to San Jose Airport so we could finally board a flight to MN. We lived with my parents for 2 months before moving into our current house. That was far too long to be living out of boxes!

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
Finding our house. Seriously, we looked at a ka-jillion houses and they were all more expensive and way crappier than our current house. Our house is perfect for us for so many reasons and we can somehow afford to live here even though I am not working. This is totally something I didn't expect (we thought we'd end up living in the ghetto), and it is so joyful to be able to be here with my hubby and boy!

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
Our driveway. Seriously, that sucker slopes down toward our house and it is slick ice right now. It takes a good several tries to get out of our driveway on bad days. You have to leave from the garage and kind of gun it and very strategically steer the car. And that's just to get onto the crazy street, which is also on a hill and covered in ice. I watched the mail lady try to get up the hill like 6 or 7 times before she finally made it. Yes, we are shoveling, icing, sanding and all that!

5. Pick three words to describe 2008.
Boys, Move, Fix,

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2008 (don't ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).
Only I cheated and actually asked Josh. He said: Arrival, Refocus, Challenge

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2008 (again, without asking).
Only I cheated on this one too and asked Josh. He said: Stress, Web

8. What were the best books you read this year?
I read a ton of books this year, but clearly the best is all of the Harry Potter books (I know, I'm late in the reading, but they were really good!). I also enjoyed True Woman by Susan Hunt.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
For sure, Josh and Caleb. We have grown so much this year in fantastic ways. I would also say with both the Whiting families and the Lewis/Peterson families. When we lived in California, we only came back to visit for holidays or weddings. Now, we get to do the fun, "Want to come over and hang out?" time that are way more relaxed. I'm also really loving spending more time with my nieces and nephews, going swimming with them, going to parks with them, and other fun times like that. I really enjoy being able to be with my family in a more relaxed manner.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
Moving across the country. But I would also say getting used to being a homemaker, Caleb shifting from baby to boy, and the new responsibilities of being a homeowner.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
The most significant way that I have grown emotionally is in my strength as a parent. I feel a lot more confident, comfortable, and able than I did before. I know I will never be the perfect, bionic parent, but even recognizing that and moving forward has been an important step for me.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
I had many moments where I struggled with not being able to identify myself as being an art teacher or designer anymore. It was hard to shift from the working world to being a homemaker; I had to let go of so many things that I enjoyed and thrived on before. I had to revisit many basics of my faith to help me really understand that my identity is in Christ. It really stripped away at my self-pride (of which I had an enormous amount) and humbled me because I didn't have any things to brag about anymore. I have also grown a lot through the memorization of scripture and by praying the scriptures regularly. I hope and pray that God's word will continue to penetrate the dark parts of my heart and that my life will glorify Him.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
My weight has been a concern this year for the first time in my life. Around Caleb's 1st birthday (September), I was finally able to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans comfortably, and that was fantastic. But, I'm still not at my pre-pregnancy weight. I figure I'm going to have to really focus to do this. I'm looking forward to the snow melting so I can use my new bike for some wonderful rides and exercise. I sometimes feel frustrated that my body just doesn't look the way it used to. Actually, it kind of looks a little like I was attacked by Wolverine. But, I suppose I'll just have to get continue trying my best to be healthy, while also realizing that my body will inevitably decline until I breathe my final breath (I'm shooting to make it into my nineties!).

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
Um... read number 9.

15. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home?
Getting all the stuff put away and fixed! Seriously, my house is totally functional and baby-proofed and that makes me love it here.

16. What was your most challenging area of home management?
Probably disagreeing with Josh about the rate at which things should be unpacked and fixed. We moved here in April and we had everything unpacked, put away, baby proofed, and repaired by September. That's just how I roll. Josh thought we went too fast and I'm pretty sure I drove him nuts. But hey, we're relaxing now!

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
Little House on the Prairie. I love that show and have decided to watch the whole series starting with the pilot. I'm currently on season 6. There is so much I love about this show, but I won't go into all of that here!

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Loving my family. I gave a lot of attention trying to learn how to be excellent at my job as homemaker. I want to be an excellent wife and an excellent mother and an excellent me. Time spent learning from others, reading, playing, teaching, fixing, cooking, cleaning, organizing, and other things that directly made my family more relaxed, joyful, and focused on the Lord are definitely my best spent hours.

19. What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
To delight in the law of the Lord and to meditate on it day and night (Psalm 1:2). I also learned that happiness and joy is hard work. You have to want it and seek it out and choose to make it a part of your day. My attitude and demeanor has so much of an effect on my family and I hope that I will continue to fervently pursue happiness and joy for the rest of my life.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2008 for you.
Started with a crazy pack-n-move, but ended with a happy, relaxed, love-infested home; always striving toward knowing Christ more.

Sewing
I made a halloween costume for Caleb. He was a lion. It was a fun costume to make. I made it a little big (with purposeful room to let some parts out) so he could play in it for the next couple of years.

Designing
I've been designing a quilt square for Abby as well as a ton of Christmas presents. I can't divulge them all here though because it would give it all away! I've also been working on a redesign for this website (the current one is so horrid, but it actually wasn't so bad when I designed it back in... 2002). I need to upgrade my Movable Type really badly too. I've also been doing some contract web work. So, yeah, lots is going on in the design front.

Cooking
My favorite thing that I've made lately is my pumpkin spice bread. That was WAY good. I stuck walnuts in it this time and that just sent it over the top. I also enjoyed making Sour Cream Apple Pie, which was also pretty delicious. Caleb and I usually make cookies or mini muffins once a week, so we've been doing that too. I also have been making our bread at home because it's super good, but mostly because I just enjoy making it!

Church Stuff
Josh and I just finished our membership class and elder meeting to become members at Bethlehem Baptist. I've also finished my Nursery training and have been working in the nursery. I've also been attending MOMS group and am doing some activity coordinating for them. It is SO GOOD to be connecting with a church body. We miss PBCC so much. But, Bethlehem is proving to be a great place for us too.

Playing
Caleb now enjoys kicking and throwing and pushing balls around. He also loves swinging, sliding, crawling through tunnels, driving his car, pushing the dump truck, digging in the sand box, painting, coloring, reading, cooking, singing, dancing... so I pretty much am playing or watching playing most of the day! What a joy he is!

Yes, I'm 30 now. It doesn't feel older or weird or anything like that.

I went on an exciting adventure with Josh on Monday to get my birthday present. We had a mix-up with cars so I borrowed my parents' SUV to go get Josh in Minneapolis then down to IKEA to buy my birthday cabinet. Well, part way down the freeway some guy pulls alongside me and starts gesturing. I didn't catch the gesture, but figured he was just some sick-o.

So, I exit on 4th Ave. and suddenly smell gasoline. Then my car stops. In the middle of a one-way, four-lane, off ramp into the city. I look down and my gas is nearly on empty, even though it was full when I left my hometown. Like a total idiot, I started the car to drive less than 1/2 block to get the car out of traffic. A cop pulled me over and used the speaker-dealy from his car to shout, "Is your ignition off? Shut your ignition off!"

I shut off my car and went over to talk to the cop. I asked him if my car was going to explode. He said, "I don't know, but they always did on Chips!"

I had to wait for the fire department to come. The fire chief asked me how long my gas tank had been leaking, and I told him probably down a fair amount of the freeway. He grinned and said, "I supposed we could just light a match to find out!" We didn't light a match, but that would have been bad and awesome at the same time if we did.

Anyway, after a $100 mandatory tow out of the city, my dad and brother came and got the car (from a ghetto-tastic part of North Minneapolis). We took the car my dad drove to go to Ikea, where my cabinet barely fit in the car. Got home late. Good times. Put the cabinet together on Tuesday and I love it! Woo!

The Lewis family had a nice gathering for me on Thursday with pizza & strawberry shortcake. My nieces made me and Caleb party necklaces to wear. I got two books that I've wanted (Stand & Valley of Vision) as well as a Canon Backpack for all of my photo gear. I had fun hanging out with them all.

On Saturday, the Whiting family came over to our house for some of my mom's lasagna, a beehive cake (yum!), and some good times. I got a Michael's giftcard, some clothes, and the cabinet that was mentioned previously.

I was thinking the other day about how I can have, as Brennan Manning would say, an "attitude of gratitude." This whole past year has included so many changes, but I am amazed at the blessings and love that has been showered on me. What a joy to be able to actually celebrate my birthday with my family, for the first time in many years. And what gratitude I feel to be so surrounded with so many people who love me.

My family makes lots of foods in the dehydrator (jerky, fruits, etc.) and we often will put a piece of bread in the bags with our goods to absorb moisture and help them to last longer.

Since I've started making our bread instead of buying it, I was thinking about bread preservation so that the sumptuous goodness can last a whole lot longer. Then, late last night I had a real genius of a thought, "I know! I'll put a piece of bread in the bread to absorb moisture!"

Yeah, I know.

Today rocks. For the first time since before I was pregnant I fit into my "skinny" jeans. And they fit nice, not like spandex. And they were comfortable and wonderful. When we moved here in February, I put all of my skinny clothes in totes in the basement, but kept one pair of my jeans out so I could try them on periodically. In April I couldn't even get them over my hips, last month I could zip them up if I sucked it in, today they fit superbly!

Many people told me I'd have nine months up and nine months down (meaning it'd take me nine months to get back into my old clothes). Looks like it was just over a year that I needed to get back. I never super dieted or anything (although I have been dieting the last couple of weeks to end that weight plateau I was in), but just made sure to get exercise and eat somewhat intelligently. I suppose chasing my hyper-spazz of a child helped too.

This week I'm going to break open my skinny clothes totes and see what's in them. Not sure if much of it is fashionable or even useful anymore, but it will be like opening Christmas gifts to dig through it all! Woo!

Today is my dad's birthday. My dad rocks. He is my favorite of all the dads. I could go on about his selflessness, his servant attitude, his love of Christ, his strong example, his care of his children, his love for his grandchildren... I'm just so thankful to have such a great dad!

Happy Birthday!

Oh, and Caleb and I made a little video to help him celebrate!

Happy Birthday Grandpa! from Steph Lewis on Vimeo.

Harvest Bounty 24, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

We had quite the harvest this year. What a joy it is to be back in Minnesota again so I can enjoy the fruits (or should I say vegetables) of labor. This bounty led to a full weekend of canning and freezing! The whole time I was just so thankful to be living back in Minnesota, enjoying the plentiful bounty that makes my life so rich.

State Fair with Josh 16, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

He is such a winner!

After Caleb was born and I started staying home with him, my life became a bit of a fog. I would wander through the day taking care of him (enjoying him!), trying not to forget basic things like eating and exercise. That was pretty much all consuming, and then we decided to move across the country. So, then I balanced packing, shopping & selling, pricing moving possibilities, calling a million people to arrange storage & living arrangements... When we got here, the house hunt started and I immersed myself in that. I told myself that my job was to care for Caleb and to bring our family to a point where we could relax. Well, now we are comfortably moved in, most of the broken stuff is fixed (contractors are replacing the roof & pouring cement in the coming weeks still!), and things feel pretty good.

So, now I am excited. This is exactly the place, one year ago, I hoped I would be. Now, with Caleb in tow, I have a blank canvas before me on which to paint how I live my life. I will no longer be all consumed with insane amounts of life changes all at once (for now anyway). The question I have been asking myself is, what do I want to do now? After much thought over the past year, I have decided that I would like to cultivate disciplines in myself that are healthy and sustainable. This is not to be taken lightly and I concentrate on one at a time. Here is my list so far:

Cultivated Disciplines:

1. Daily Bible Reading & Study - I read the Bible most mornings while Caleb and I are eating breakfast, often out loud to him. I've been also praying through the Psalms for Caleb and Josh and anyone/anything else that comes to mind. It is fantastic to start the day off like this.


2. Nightime "Fly By" Cleaning - Every night I do a walk through of the house to make sure things are picked up. I go from room to room and do a quick assessment and tidy up. This means that the dishwasher is full and started before bed, laundry is put in hampers, toys are off the floor, and so on. It gives me a satisfied feeling of completion at the end of the day and also helps me to start the next day without feeling frazzled. Sometimes I'll even do a spot clean here and there (bathroom, sweep, etc.) if I'm feeling in the zone.


3. Memorize Fighter Verses - I started memorizing fighter verses. Setting God's word permanently in my mind has been so important to me. I find myself reciting verses throughout the day to help me get out of a bad attitude or temporary despair or whatever. It reminds me of who I am and what my purpose is. Nothing like giving my life some directed focus!

Upcoming Disciplines:

1. Writing - I need to write more about my thoughts. My blog has fallen wayside more often than not and I think it's important for me to keep writing.


2. Creating - I've started working on some craft projects here and there and I have some art in the works. I want to make sure that I set aside regular time where I can connect and create using my hands. There is something so satisfying about using my hands to make stuff (i.e. not on a computer!).


3. Ministry & Hospitality - Working on this. I'm trying to understand how my day-to-day encounters with others can show Christ's love through both words and practice.

Check it out, we're on the cover of the Pioneer Press today! It's a neat story about our Twitter use.

It's interesting and weird to see yourself in print like that. I think it was a nicely written story!

My biggest nervousness comes from thinking people will come to my blog and see my horrible blog design. *Shudders* I designed this like six years ago. I have a new one that I'm working on, but you know how slow things go these days...

Pigeon on Window, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

While we were staying with my parents in February 2008, we heard a loud noise upstairs. My dad came inside the house and said a goshawk was chasing the pigeons. We looked on the dining room window and saw this print of a flying pigeon on the window. Turns out this pigeon ran straight into the window while trying to outfly the goshawk. The pigeon died (we found him below the window outside). But, isn't it weird that this perfect imprint was left on the window? Must've been the dust in his feathers or something. Check out the detail, it's creepy!

Henson & Ella with Bobos, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

I was out in our yard today with Ella and Caleb. Ella was just sniffing around like usual while Caleb and I were on the swings. Then I heard this loud "Reeeee!" sound and saw three baby bunnies go bolting across the yard in different directions. Ella was standing over something with her tail wagging wildly. Caleb and I went over there and I saw a baby bunny writhing, then lay still.

It was so weird because Ella seems like this sweet, caring dog. But, something in her "ran a procedure buried deep in her ROM," as Josh said. It's crazy how dogs are bred for specific purposes and there are some things in them that you just can't train out of them. It reminds me to be extra careful in selecting the breed of dog you want to welcome into your home. Ella's breed, the miniature dachshund was developed to hunt rabbits. And that she does.

Sidenote: When we were staying with my parents during our in-between California and Minnesota time, Henson was with my dad outside. A rabbit went across the yard and my dad shouted, "Get him!" Henson took off after the rabbit, chased him through the woods, and came back carrying a hunk of fur in his teeth. So, Henson was serious about some bunny hunting too. He passed away a few weeks ago and we miss him, he was our little buddy.

I went to the doctor today for a consult before I attempted to get pregnant again (because of my miscarriage history). I left thinking about God's sovereignty and humans worshipping at the idol of data (I had some metropolis-like imagery of humans worshipping a giant computer in my head at this point, but that's neither here nor there.).

The doctor told me that "the data now shows" that women shouldn't get pregnant earlier than 18 months after giving birth. Other than opinions of child-spacing, I hadn't heard this from a medical standpoint before. I asked her why and she said that women who did so had a higher risk of anemia. I asked her to tell me more about anemia and she said it had side effects such as exhaustion and feeling too tired to get up and work (at which I said, "Man, I must already have anemia!" She didn't think it was funny. I followed this up by saying, "Isn't that just the sign of new parents? Exhausted? Too tired to do work?" Again, she was clearly not amused, which made me question if I ever wanted to see her again. How can you not think that's funny!?! So sad.).

So, I asked her what the chances were of getting anemia and she said she did "not have access to that data." So, I'm thinking, do half of all women get it? Or like 1 in 10,000? Because, if we're going to be swinging data around to help me determine my life's path, then I want to know all of the data.

I feel afraid for this information age. I feel that many have replaced God with data and statistics and market analysis and anything else that gets run through a computer. When you are afraid, see what the data tells you to find strength in. When you are hopeless, the data will tell you your best shot at success. When you have given up, the data will give you the strength to carry on (or tell you if you were right to give up!).

This reminds me of when my dad used to do his research at the University and, after giving years worth of data to the statistician, would be asked, "And how do you want this data to read?" Meaning, what is your report on so we can skew the data in your favor? My dad would usually respond, "Just run the numbers and you tell me if you see anything worthwhile. Then we'll know how it reads." He was a rebel.

The thing that data-worshippers are missing is that data and statistics can be manipulated in so many ways. Regardless of what the numbers say, human error has it's fingerprints all over most data (poorly written measuring tools, personal bias, skewing of numbers, leaving out pertinent information, etc.) It isn't something you can trust, and it isn't something you should lean on as your life's guide. And it definitely isn't something to stake your life on.

Granted, I'm not saying that looking at data is bad or evil. I think there are times when data is very relevant and very telling. But, in this case, I think it's probably not as big of a deal as my doctor made it out to be. (But, if I come on later and announce that I have anemia, you can toss out a quality Nelson Muntz "Ha-HA!" to me...)

In the end, I trust God's sovereign plan for my life. He will decide how many babies I lose, and how many babies I give birth to, and how many children we adopt. Whether it be many or none. He rules over my family and I yield to Him. I trust him far more than anything spit out by a computer.

I was giving information at my new medical clinic and they asked me, among other questions, what my occupation was. I answered, "Homemaker." I still cringe a bit when I say it, probably mostly because I'm worried that the person I'm talking to will think homemakers are lame. (I read a study recently that said much of America's population thinks homemakers contribute to society the same as the elderly, blind, and retarded. It's a terrible study on many fronts, but I won't go into all that here.)

The girl I was giving the information to reviewed the information and, when she got to occupation, said "Unemployed." I stopped her. I said, "No, I'm not unemployed, I'm a homemaker." And she said, "Well, you don't have a job, so that would make you unemployed." I responded that the word "unemployed" insinuated that I was without or looking for work, and that that was not the case.

She was clearly frustrated with me at this point and explained that her pulldown menu didn't have "homemaker" on it. So, I told her to select "education" or "maid" or "counselor" or "manager" or some other job that described a sliver of what I do. She said she couldn't do that because it would be lying. So, I copped out a bit (poor girl) and said, "I've been a teacher for many years, I have my master's degree in education, why don't you just mark me as 'Education' then." She was satisfied with that.

Ugh. I hate stuff like this.

After I ordered some invitations through Apple, I got an e-mail:

From: Apple
Subject: IMPORTANT: Billing Problem

Thinking that it was something messed up with the invites I just ordered, I opened the e-mail. It had Apple images, even Apple's font. It said:

"We were unable to process your most recent payment. Did you recently change your bank, phone number or credit card?

"To ensure that your service is not interrupted, please update your billing information by clicking here , After a few clicks, just verify the information you entered is correct."

I should have noticed the typos. I should have noticed the lame way it was written. I clicked on the link. The site looked like Apple's site. It even said that if I had questions I could call 1-800-myapple for help, which I know is Apple's number. The website asked for my name, address, credit card, social security #, mother's maiden name.... I thought, "They already know my name and address, why would they request it? (Flag!) Since when do businesses need a social security # or my mother's maiden name to make a transaction (Flag!)."

I looked at the web address, which was NOT Apple's site. Here's a fake version of what it looked like (I don't want to give the real one lest the bastards get web traffic): http://somelamecompanyname.net/www.apple.com. Case closed, this is clearly an example of phishing.

I realize that this is obvious to most of my friends who read this blog. But, I worry about those who are not in-the-know and just want to over-emphasize my suggestions.

1. Always be aware of who you are giving your credit card info to over the web. Make sure it is secure & with a trusted company.
2. Check for changes in web address. If it sends you to some random place, discontinue the transaction.
3. Check for phishers. Make sure the website you are looking at is the *real* one by checking the URL and looking for any oddities.
4. Be wary of who you give your private info to. I even started asking, "Why do you need my social security number?" to many of the places that ask for it. Usually, it's not required, so don't give it. They asked for it when I applied for a library card. It got me all paranoid about the government tracking my reading... turns out it's optional to put down (if it was required I may have just walked...)
5. Consider getting identity theft insurance. We have Lifelock. Your regular car/home insurance provider may also have it, so check with them. I would go on about the how Lifelock works, but just check out their site for yourself if you're interested.

Normally I wouldn't have even gone for the e-mail I got. But, I just happened to get it a few minutes after doing a transaction with Apple. I assume it was a coincidence. And, let it also be known that I just tried to go to that fake site to get a screenshot of it for this post, but it was gone. Gee, I wonder why.

For those who didn't know about this kind of thing happening on the Net, you have been warned. Think about it. Keep it in your head.

Day at the Beach 27, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

We finished unpacking last week. Yes. Finished. Even pictures are hung. There is not one box left (except some of Josh's boxes that are mashed with cords, old software, and Mission Control tapes... but those are his problem and not mine). It feels fantastic to be unpacked and I feel like I can finally stretch my arms and enjoy it a bit.

One joy of being unpacked is that my house is not a deathtrap to babies anymore. This is good, considering that I have a baby. Just in time too. In the last two weeks, Caleb has started cruising quite well. He can open cabinets and drawers (and dump their contents everywhere). He can go up stairs very quickly. He can "walk" by pushing one of those baby-pushy-help-you-walk things. On a good day, I've seen him scramble onto the couch (not crawl, scramble, it's more like a strange baby dance). So, I need a baby-proofed house. And now I have one.

Caleb's language has also been making great strides, which I am loving. He now consistently uses "Ahh-Duh" (all done) to announce when he is done eating or done taking a bath. Sometimes he will use the sign for "finished" instead. He says "da da" in reference to Josh. He says "Ella" very clearly to Ella, but doesn't call every dog in the world "Ella" anymore. They are now "Duh" (dog). His favorite word right now is "Aight!" (light), which he says to pretty much anything that has a light coming out of it. He emphasizes the "t" sound so much that it sometimes sounds more like "aight-TA!" I sat him in the hatchback of my car while I took off his swim trunks and he kept banging the light in there going, "Aight! Aight! Aight!" It was pretty funny.

Caleb loves swimming. We go to the beach pretty regularly and he really enjoys the water. We do all of the little things we learned in swim class, and he just squeals. I love the beach because Caleb loves it, and it's really relaxing for us both.

Oh, and Caleb got his first haircut yesterday. I took him to the hair salon and sat him in my lap and read him stories while the girl tried to cut his hair. His hair basically looks the same, only it's evened up now. He had some patches of super long hairs here and there, and now it all flows much better. Still looks like a baby though. I got my hair cut into a bob with long layers. We'll see how long that lasts.

I'm working on redesigning my blog. It is currently a horrid design disaster that is a result of (1) my designing it before I knew anything about good design, and (2) trying to get stuff up so my family could use it without actually paying attention to how it looked, and (3) being so busy that I just didn't care. Actually, the layout is all done, but I just have to transfer the stuff to Photoshop so my hottie of a developer can make it work for me. I'm also working on getting fighterverse.com up and running and have some cool ideas for it. I have also decided to let go of hydeart.com because I don't work there anymore. It's such a pretty site, I hate to see it die.

Well, that's the quick catch up on what's going on with Caleb and me. Life is good right now and I'm just enjoying the many sweet moments that have come my way.

King, the Shetland pony, originally uploaded by JL!.

He is SO cute! As you can see in this pic, he's cleaned up a lot since when we first brought him home. And he's a feisty little guy. When he's with the girls, my dad's two mares, he gets all prancy. His gaits are beautiful and you can actually jog with him when he lopes. He is also extremely refined for a little pony (just check out that bone structure). All of the ponies from my childhood were fat, like they had swallowed a barrel whole. It's so fun to have this little guy around.

My nephew, when asked what the pony's name was said, "KING PONY!!!!!!!!!" and threw his hands up excitedly. I asked him if "King Pony" was all one word or one name. He explained to me that "King" was the pony's first name and "Pony" was his last name. Worked for me.

When I lived in Cupertino, before baby, and was teaching art and finishing my master's degree, I found myself frustrated by the mundane day-to-day things. One of my biggest peeves was unlocking my front door. It was more complicated than it needed to be. I'd usually get home late at night, and the yard light may or may not have been on. After exiting the car, I'd stick my overly-heavy backpack on my back, then head to the trunk to bring in other things. This could include piles of papers or portfolios of artwork to grade, my toolbox of art supplies, my large portfolio of personal drawings, binders of curriculum, video & photo equipment, piles of library books, groceries, and other such things. I hated taking two trips, so I'd just pack it all on myself like I was some kind of pack horse or alpaca.

Then I'd get to the door, possibly in the dark because of no yard light on, and set some of the things down so I could use my finger to pry open the screen door, usually doing some kind of bendy-twisty dance because of the awkward shape of our entry - a wall on one side and a pointy shrub on the other. I'd use my foot to kick open the door, then dig through all of my pockets to find my keys (I never remembered which one I put them in). Finally, I'd stick the keys in the lock, then put pressure on the door at just the right angle to get my key to turn. The door would fly back and I'd have to grab my mass of things, now mostly dropped in piles around the sidewalk. My home entry would end with grabbing my stuff and tossing it just inside the door while repeatedly getting slammed on by the screen door and trying to keep the cat from escaping.

I hated getting through that front door so much that I once said to Josh, "I wish I could stand at that front door and just unlock it for three months straight and then never have to unlock it again." While I'm sure he probably thought I was weird, I considered how cool it would be if you could sort of stock up on mundane tasks to get you through. What if the length of your shower was related to the length of time you stayed clean? What if you could wash dishes for a length of time only to have them stay clean for a proportionate amount of time afterwards? The truth is that, no matter how long your shower is, one step in the mud and you're dirty again. And, no matter how long you wash a dish, one spoonful of baked beans dirties it again. And, no matter how long you spend unlocking your front door, you're just going to have to do it again the next time you come home.

Why do I write about this? Because I made a great realization recently. This life is where I am stocking up on mundane tasks. I'm doing lots of hard things now - boring things, tedious things, annoying things. I was reading Hebrews 11 and was struck by verse 10. Here it is in context:

 8By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

Abraham was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. Everything I do now, whether mundane or otherwise, are temporary to my life on this earth; I am living in tents. But I, like Abraham, look forward to the city with foundations. That thought puts everything in perspective to me. Everything I experience here is a blip on the screen compared to an eternity spent worshipping my God.

Using a Float Boat, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

Caleb and I are doing a swim class on Thursday nights. It's so much fun to see all the kids under 24 months swimming around. Caleb LOVES it and pretty much grins & kicks the whole time. Josh nabbed this pic of us in his floating boat that we got to play with for a little while. He also dunks under water pretty well. And, of course, there's the motor boat song at the end. Anything that ends with loud motor noises and zipping around is his favorite.

Sidenote: We move into our house in two weeks. Josh and I are completely stoked. I've been very busy with all that connects with moving across the country and into a new house. Lately I've been doing: closing/title paperwork, transferring home & auto & life insurance, taxes, 401K & accounts for the monies, making lists of things we need for the house and searching for great deals, organizing updates to the house, connecting with mom groups & our new church, getting our cars cared for, ironing slacks, scheduling moving trucks, canceling CA appts. and making new ones in MN, celebrating birthdays & holidays, and caring for Caleb! Whew... I'm tired but joyous.

Hanging Around the House 39, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

Well, we are officially settled in at the Whiting Resort. Okay, it's not a resort, but it is the house I was raised in and my parents have been kind enough to let us live with them for a bit. It's been such a blessing to be able to interact with my parents when they are here. We help each other out with meals and dishes and stuff like that. It'll be hard to go back to doing it on my own!

When we first got here in mid-February, we started looking for a house right away. Well, we actually ended up buying the first house we looked at! We looked at about 30 more after that one and just kept going back to that first one. So, we close on April 18th and are totally stoked. It's a walk out rambler just off of the lake in Forest Lake. The lot is 1 acre, so we have a nice little chunk of land that we can play on. It feels very cabinesque. The backyard backs up to a DNR wildlife reserve, so it has that nature feeling. Josh is already considering his first riding lawn mower! We pretty much can't wait to get settled in and feeling normal again.

Caleb has grown up so much over the past month. I already see him switching slowly into being a toddler because he seems to have things to do every single day. Like, "Don't cuddle me now mom, I'm trying to get this monkey to pop out of the box again." Stuff like that. He plays all day long with so much vigor! His favorites include using the walker to run laps around the table and find his mama, jumping like mad in his jumperoo, playing with cars, baths with mom where he "swims" to get his ducky, and floor gymnastics with me. We will be starting mommy-and-me swim classes in a couple of weeks. We also like to go outside and look in the pigeon coop and then feed the horses bread.

Caleb also got his first cold, which I also got. This kept both of us down for a week as it took it's toll. We are both doing better though and just have runny noses and mild coughs. He is a really happy baby and is always smiling and giggling unless he's hungry or tired. The last couple of nights he has been such a ham because he won't stop laughing at everything. This pretty much gets everyone else around him laughing too! I can't wait for him to be able to talk so he can tell us what is so darn funny!

Josh often speaks to me in metaphor, so it took me a minute to figure this one out.

Me: Josh, do you like my new pants?

Josh: When I eat an apple, I never use a knife.

After sitting quietly for a good five minutes, pondering what this could possibly mean, I realized that his mind was elsewhere. He was talking about the lunch I packed for him, which included an apple, a small container of dipping caramel, and a knife with which to cut his apple. He apparently didn't want the knife.

But wait, what did he think of my new pants? Later that day I asked again and he simply said, "If you had an eyepatch, you'd look like a pirate." Maybe later I will ask him if he likes pirates.

Our Last Day in California, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

My mom and Kristin (my sister-in-law) were so gracious to come to California for our last weekend there to help us get our stuff together. They were awesome help and helped us pack up the last of our things and get the house smokin' clean! If it weren't for them and the many friends that pitched in, Josh and I would have been doomed. I felt so loved by all the help we received.

On our last day in California, Sunday, February 17th, we left our hotel and went to Starbucks for some coffee while Josh went to exchange our rented SUV for a giant van. Caleb ate some applesauce and pretty much just flirted with us the entire time (those EYES!!!). We ended up running a million odd errands that day, including a random trip to Pier 39 in San Francisco, but made it to the airport (SFO) at about 10:30 p.m. to hop on our plane to Minneapolis. Josh returned the rental van and we stood in line with Caleb, Henson (our dog), and Five (our cat). Then we realized that our flight had been cancelled. Yes, cancelled.

The man behind the desk said, "Well, I could put you all in a hotel, but you have a dog and cat with you. So, I really don't know what to do."

NWA stinks stinks stinks. Josh has sworn them off for all time, merge with Delta or otherwise.

We eventually ended up eating at a 24 hour Lori's Diner in the airport before taking a shuttle down to the San Jose airport. We hung out there before getting on an early morning flight which landed us in the Twin Cities just after noon. I stayed up as late as I could trying to sort through our suitcases and add some sanity to our lives.

That day was crazy. But, we made it here safe and sound. The weather has been cold, but the warmth inside and the incredible views have been far worth it. Caleb is happy and talkative so far and Josh is also doing well. We are all so excited to start this new chapter in our lives. And tomorrow, the house hunting process begins!

My Little Helper, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

Well, we officially move in 11 days. I've been working during the day, with Caleb in tow, trying to pack and organize our stuff. I've hardly made a dent in the garage, let alone the rest of the house. Before baby Stephanie would have been done with the garage by now and been moving forward with the house, but I have to remember not to compare myself with that old self. The with baby Stephanie is working really hard, but has to take breaks for feedings, diapers, cuddles, and fun time. She has to stop when Caleb tries to help close a box or decides to explore a stack of washcloths. He seems to really be enjoying this time though, and that makes me happy.

Hopefully I can finish off the garage by Saturday morning so that I will have one full week to pack and clean the house. I should have reinforcements coming in by then to help with it all, and I am very thankful for that. I am just trying to lay the ground work so that the reinforcements actually have laid out tasks that are ready to go when they get here.

I can't wait to be done with this move and relaxing in Minnesota. Although, Josh and I hung out with some dear friends tonight that we may or may not see before we go. That was probably my first real emotional understanding of what it means to be leaving a place you've called home for six years.

Photo Description: I have been working hard to organize and pack our stuff. I had to set Caleb down for a second while I moved a box and my best choice was this dog bed. He thought it was the neatest place and started laughing and kicking so I took this pic on my cell phone. What a funny little helper! (Caleb is 5 months old)

We're moving. I'm ecstatic, I'm sad, I'm overwhelmed, I'm living in a pile of boxes with a huge list of things to do. But mostly, I'm happy. Josh and I have been so blessed here in California. We've had awesome jobs, awesome church, and awesome friends.

All of that aside, I'm so excited to rejoin our families & friends in Minnesota. I miss all of the seasons (yes even the painful cold of winter) and I miss my parents' hobby farm. I miss the Sunday afternoon brunches. I miss my nieces and nephew's everything. I miss the sibling rivalry. So, while I'm leaving a lot behind in California, I feel that there is so much to be gained by going back to Minnesota. God has opened a door for us and our lips are filled with praises to Him as we walk through it.

Saturday
Josh and I went to Hyde today and went through the whole classroom to box up my stuff. I was super thankful that I carefully labeled stuff as either "Hyde" or "Lewis" depending on who paid for it, that made it easy for me to find what was mine and box it up. I had several boxes of plastic toys (dinosaurs, lobsters, etc.) that I used for drawing lessons, wide-up toys that were for stress-release races, a ton of art books, my curriculum binders, some art supplies, a couple of rugs, some tools, a bunch of postcards from my museum trips, lamps, and who knows what else. A lot of stuff - that's what you collect over six years as an art teacher. A lot of things that were mine we decided to just donate because they were of much needed use there.

Josh, Caleb, and I were there for about four hours packing things up and loading them into our cars. Then, just after 7 p.m., I did a last check through the room, stood in the doorway, said a prayer, flipped off the lights, then locked and closed the door for the last time. I held my breath as the door slammed closed, recognizing the symbolism of another chapter of my life closed.

In the car, I turned on NPR and A Prairie Home Companion was on. That, combined with the bad weather, made it feel like I was back in Minnesota. Caleb snored in his car seat and the rain beat down on my car. I had to concentrate on breathing slowly, rhythmically because it seemed to be too much to take in.

Monday
I went in to Hyde today to give my resignation. I don't think anyone was surprised that I did and the principal said that I was a great teacher and that I'd be hard to replace. That was really nice. I then went to the district office and put in my resignation there. It felt sad in one sense, but was a huge weight off my shoulders in another sense.

Thursday
It has set in that I am not returning to my job as an art teacher. I've been thinking about pursuing other more flexible career paths, probably something that uses my IT & Design skills. For now, though, my hands are plenty full caring for Caleb and trying to take control of the giant storage closet that is my house. I'm actually a little frightened of how much work it is going to take to get the clutter and disarray in my house under control, but what did I expect after several years of stuff-neglect? I've got a plan though so it should be in order in no time.

Caleb in Chair 11, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

I take Caleb to the park a lot. The last time I brought him in this outfit, many people were confused about his gender. "What a beautiful bo.. gir... uh... BABY you have," they'd say. Who knows. I dress him in it because it's fuzzy and warm, and I love fuzzy warm babies! Do you think it's too girly? (In this pic he's also wearing his puppy/kitty slippers which have rattles in them. He thinks they're interesting and tries to bite them.)

One thing I love about the park is that everyone feeds the ducks and geese even though there are huge signs everywhere warning the public about the dangers of feeding them. Last week, I saw a woman send her two-year-old out in middle of the flock with a ziplock bag of bread crumbs. The birds started chasing him and he dropped the bag and ran, crying. Today, I watched some middle school kids take AN ENTIRE SHEET CAKE and fling pieces of it out to the many seagulls, ducks, and geese that were swarming them. These boys were tough though. If a bird got too close, they'd just kick it.

Another reason I love the park is because I like to see how everyone here thinks the weather is freezing. Today, which was a whopping 52 degrees F, people had their kids dressed in thick SNOWSUITS, complete with tied-under-the-chin hats, mittens, and boots. Yes, boots. One little girl kept pulling her hat off complaining that she was hot, but her mother insisted that she wear it. They must've thought I was crazy wearing a light sweatshirt. Caleb wore the outfit pictured above along with his blue knit Guatemalan hat. He and I were both plenty warm.

Sometimes we walk to the Starbucks across the street from the park to tank ourselves up (me on coffee & Caleb on mommy-milk). Today was awesome though because I went to the counter and ordered a grande mocha. The boy behind the counter said, "Do you want me to heat that to kid's temp for him?" I stood there puzzled for a moment, then realized that he seriously thought I was giving my 4 1/2 month old baby a mocha. I said, "I think he's a little young to be drinking a mocha." The girl who was working with him was laughing so hard. Poor kid.

When I took a psychology class back in the day, my professor said that there were oftentimes many ways to cure an ailment, but that Americans generally wanted only the one that was in pill form. So, if someone was given the choice to either do specific daily exercises or take a daily prescription drug, most people would elect to take the drug.

I have a tendency to avoid drugs unless it's a really irritating illness that I want to go away quickly and the drug is better at causing that effect.

The doctor told me that Caleb needed to take a Vitamin D supplement because I was breastfeeding. I asked her how long I would need to take him outside in the sunshine each day in order to meet the Vitamin D requirement. She said 2-5 minutes. I told her that he probably didn't need a supplement then because we take a 1-2 hour walk daily without fail (unless there's a horrible rainstorm or something). She looked at me and seemed shocked that I would actually prefer to commit to taking my child outside than give him the vitamin supplement.

Similarly, my doctor told me that I should take a calcium supplement because I am breastfeeding and it would help to keep my bones strong. I told her that I drink about 6-8 large glasses of milk a day, not to mention my cheese & yogurt servings (hey, I'm from Minnesota!). I told her that it would probably more than meet my calcium needs. She said, "Yeah, but you probably don't actually drink that much every day." Josh was with me and said, "No, she drinks milk like most people drink water. I know, I've been paying for it." Before I eat a meal, I'll usually drink a whole glass and refill it before taking a bite of the food. She seemed hesitant, then suggested that I take the supplement anyway. So, I did, and had stomach pains the entire time I was taking it, so I stopped. Diagnosis? Calcium overdose. The doctor told me to stop taking it.

It got me thinking about other prescriptions that we take and why doctors are so quick to prescribe them over more natural methods that work just as well or better. I mean, if I need a vitamin, shouldn't I just adjust my diet? If I am having pains, aren't there exercises I can do or bath soaks or something? Why just a pill? I'm sure there's a money trail behind it, perhaps some laziness on part of the patient and/or doctor, and probably a greater probability that the patient will follow through with an easier treatment (such as "swallow one a day with water").

I think part of the reason I would rather have more natural treatments when possible is that I freak out whenever I hear the lists of side effects that are quickly whispered at the end of drug commercials. Some of those potential side effects sound horrid and are really not worth the risk to me in many cases. Of course, if I needed to take a prescription I would. But, I'd rather just make an adjustment to my lifestyle to stay healthier in general by eating more nutritiously, exercising regularly, and engaging in healthful activities.

Me & Caleb @ Macworld 2008, originally uploaded by StephLewis.

We had a fantastic time at Macworld this year. Granted, I only got an exhibit hall pass since I didn't know how Caleb would handle going into long, detailed workshops. So, I stuck him in the sling and we wandered around checking out all kinds of new technology.

After I got my pass, I was able to see Frank Chu on a street corner. We walked by and Josh said, "Hey Frank!" And I was like, "You know that guy?" And then he sent me the Wikipedia link when we got home and I was all, "NO WAY!" So, yeah, that's Frank.

The most intriguing thing for me this year was Memory Miner. I got to talk to the guy that started it and he explained it well by saying that, when we look at genealogies, we see when people were born and when they died. But, what's important is the story that exists between these two dates. This software works to put pictures, videos, genealogies, and written descriptions together to tell these stories. It connects with Flickr, Yahoo Maps, and will soon also connect with Geni. He said they are also working on having it search for other computers to find connections in what people have put in their own stories. So, I think I'm going to wait until I have a bit of time, then use the 2-week trial download to see if it's cool enough to buy.

Other things that made me drool include: anything at the Canon booth, especially the sweet camera lenses and pro printers; new AppleTV options; some guy that was totally wailing on Guitar Hero; Sprint's Mobile Broadband; everything at Adobe; and Joshua.

Things that made Caleb drool include: everything.

Things that were repulsive: Epson's horribly designed booth (get with it!), the coffee (blech!), and having to be in San Francisco. Seriously, we've been there a ton of times and we still don't know how to get out of that place!

This is my new goal. I want to be a super cheapskate. I want people to look at me and think, "Man, she's cheap."

First, Josh and I have been working hard to get out of debt. I've been reading a few books. Josh has been connecting with many of the Crown Ministries resources. He's also into Mvelopes and Wesabe. We've been looking at a ka-jillion ways to stretch the old greenback a little further and to stay within a very tight budget. So far, honestly, it's been kind of fun. I like a good challenge, especially one that pushes you to question the very core of your beliefs. Letting go of materialism and managing the blessings you receive is certainly one such challenge.

So, back to becoming a cheapskate. I was thinking today about how having a child, and desiring to be with him as much as possible, has shifted my thinking on all things financial. Suddenly, saving a dollar is so much more important than making a dollar (no one can tax me on how much I save). Shopping at thrift stores seems more chic and better for the environment (it's the reuse part of the 3 R's). Two cars seems like overkill (at least for our current needs). Seeing a company make too much profit off of me makes me really angry. Craigslist rules. Basically, I've been thinking a lot about the subject and it's making my life seem almost like a really interesting strategy game.

Considering this, as well as making your life matter, I was thinking about how money saved by a frugal life could be used to better the lives of others. Or as a ministry. It makes me want to see the world with more open eyes to better understand the role that money has in everything.

I want a bumper sticker that says, "Cheapskating is not a crime." (Ahhh... that's a horrible joke.) But, I'm too cheap to buy one.

I love my dog Ella. She's a sweet little cuddler and is really the ideal lap dog. She's recently become protective of myself and Caleb, so she takes a little time to warm up to strangers, but that's not what I'm blogging about today.

She has not gone to the bathroom all day. After our inclement weather, our outdoor porch area got flooded. That, and there are no gutters around the back of our rented house, so when the rain gets bad there is literally a waterfall onto our porch area. The porch area has an annoying lemon tree (which I loved when we first moved here, now I despise fruit bearing trees that are so close to the house) as well as Ella's potty area. We installed a doggy door and Ella has always been very good of taking care of her business outside as she needs to.

After the bad weather hit, Ella developed a fear of going out there. We'd even take her outside for a long time, she'd *pretend* to pee, then pee inside the house within five minutes of coming back in. You can imagine what the past week has been like. We take Ella out and sit outside with her for way too long, trying to encourage her to go. We go out to her potty area on the porch and take her to other outdoor places, but she's got a bladder of steel and refuses to let loose. Or she'll pretend and we'll think all is well and good (it's hard to see underneath a miniature dachshund to see if they are actually going to the bathroom). Then, as soon as we're in the house, she'll hang around for a bit then casually slip into a nearby room. You can tell when she's been naughty because she'll come into the room looking all guilty.

So, Ella usually sleeps in her kennel at night and we sometimes welcome her into our bed for a little while in the morning (like we were doing in above pic). But, today there was no welcoming into the bed. She was put outside for almost an hour and refused to go to the bathroom. So, I put her back in her kennel for awhile and then stuck her back outside. She's been outside for about five hours now and still has not gone to the bathroom. Josh said I should let her in and I said, "I guarantee that she will go to the bathroom in the house the first chance she gets so, NO, she's staying outside." I put her dog bed out there and she has water and plenty of space. It's a nice day, there is no rain. I keep checking on her to see evidence of going to the bathroom, but she has held out in this protest so far. That dog sure sticks to her guns.

I just hope her kidneys don't explode like Grandpa Simpson's.

When I was little I wasn't afraid of monsters in my closet.

Then one night while I was in bed, my mom entered my room to tuck me in. She looked at my wide-open closet and said, "How can you sleep with your closet door open? Aren't you scared there are monsters in there?" She closed the closet door and left.

I have slept with my closet doors closed ever since. Josh thinks it's hilarious. :-)

Josh and I got this message from the City of Cupertino yesterday:

Today has been interesting. I woke up to winds and rain. Later, the cat was outside my bedroom door meowing loudly. Eventually, Josh went to work and I had to take Ella outside. It was pouring rain out and she would only cower and shiver, looking at me as if to say, "Why? Why would you bring me out here!?!" The power started going on and off (four or five times).

Apparently a bench at Apple got overturned and Josh's umbrella turned inside out. Our porch started flooding, which led to the garage flooding. So, Josh went to the emergency preparedness place and brought home 10 sandbags so we could *hopefully* prevent further flooding.

I was supposed to bring Caleb to a doctor appointment today, but they called and cancelled because they had lost power. So, now he won't get to go for about three weeks, the earliest time they could get him in. That made me mad because I had worked so hard to get Caleb up and bathed and dressed, get his diaper bag packed, and all that other stuff you have to do to bring your four-month-old to the doctor. Oh well.

Eventually, I threw in the towel (actually, I skated around our dining room with towels on my feet to sop up our sandbagging mess) and came to Apple. Apple has had it's power working all day and I'm just chilling out with Caleb getting work done. I had Caleb in the hall once and he decided to practice talking, which (if you know Josh and me) is exceptionally loud. Josh quarantined us to his office because of that.

One thing I realized is that this rain storm isn't nearly as bad as some of the storms I've experienced in Minnesota. But, I think Minnesota is better prepared for this kind of stuff. A lot of the power lines are underground, or are at least more securely attached than the ones around our house. The ones by our house pretty much go out during every rainstorm we have. Minnesota also has cool trucks and stuff that get out fast and get stuff fixed. Californians start driving poorly and stuff when the weather gets mildly bad because they're just not used to inclement weather.

Well, those are my ramblings for today. Good times!

Caleb Cowboy, originally uploaded by JL!.

We dressed Caleb up in this little western outfit (complete with boots!) and took pictures of him in my parents' basement. They have a Roy Rogers themed room complete with a saddle and other western stuff. This is one of my favorite pics because he gave me this hilarious serious face. Josh is actually behind him holding him by his shirt so he can sit on the saddle.

I gave it to my parents for Christmas and they LOVED it!

This year we sent out our Christmas letter in e-mail. Is this a lame thing to do? You decide.

We considered getting pictures done and printing out a letter and addressing envelopes and stamping them and driving them to the post office.... Then, Josh and I looked at each other and said, "Why?"

So, as of this year, we are done sending "official" letters via snail mail. We still have the same love and heartfelt feelings as if we had sent actual letters, only now we're making the letters easy to archive and simpler for us to execute (and FREE). If anyone actually needs (wants) a hard copy, they can print it. Otherwise, electronic format seems to give everyone the update just as well!

Here is Our 2007 Christmas Letter:

Friends & Family,

Josh and I are sitting together enjoying the sparkle of the Christmas tree, the beauty of Minnesota snow, and our favorite Christmas present - the new laugh of our son Caleb Stephen.

This past year, I worked at Hyde Middle School teaching art while Josh continued his job as an Engineering Program Manager at Apple Inc. I finished my master's degree in Instructional Technology at San José State University. In August, we celebrated the 10th anniversary of our friendship and our 7th wedding anniversary. Caleb was born September 5th, and we are now enjoying new parenthood!

It has been an amazing year and we are in awe of how God has led and blessed us. May you and yours also feel the gentle leading of His hand in 2008. Glory and Praise to our Lord Jesus Christ!

With Love,
Josh, Stephanie & Caleb Lewis

I get a lot of books from the library in Cupertino to read. But I always chuckle when I go to return my books. The book depository has a line up of slots to drop your books in. Here is a picture of it:

From left to right, the slots say:
Book Donations
Children's Books
Children's Books
Media
Adult Books
Adult Books

Yes, that's right. It says Adult Books. Here's a close-up:

The first time I returned a book to this library, a book on African art, I went to the book drops and walked back and forth trying to figure out which slot it went in. It wasn't a donation, not a children's book, not media, and certainly not an adult book. ADULT BOOK? Does the library have books that only people age eighteen and up can check out? Since when did the library start carrying adult books? And why hadn't I seen them there? Were they behind a curtain I didn't notice before? Or perhaps they were in one of the back rooms and you needed to know a secret knock to get them. Do they check IDs?

Knowing that the library didn't actually have adult books, Josh and I discussed what a more appropriate term would be to put on the book drop, but couldn't come up with anything good. The only thing we really thought is that the library people wanted a "not a children's book, donation, or media" slot. But, that's too long and too confusing to write on a little door-thing. Could they call it other? Or perhaps non-children? Way more confusing. Oh well.

I still snicker like a teenager every time I go there...

Josh and I just got caught up on all of our favorite shows. Tonight was the first night we really felt the pain.

If any of you have been following the 2007 Writers Guild of America strike, then you know that many of the television networks are running out of new material to cover their airtime.

Then I saw the add for Clash of the Choirs. It's a reality show that features Michael Bolton, among others, going back to their hometowns to see who can put together the best choir. Check out the video.

Is it just me, or is this one of the lamest show ideas ever? Seriously, what kind of committee made up of people in nicely pressed suits came up with this? I think I'd rather watch Police Cops.

May a miracle occur to help the Writer's Guild of America get paid so we can have intelligent television. I long for shows that include things like plot and symbolism. I've been supporting the Writer's Guild by reading during the times of shows I would otherwise watch. Yeah, real books with paper and everything.

Some women get the baby blues after their babies are born, I got a bad case of the volleyball blues. Man I miss the game. I miss the camaraderie, the quick strategy thinking, the discussions over how to beat a certain team, the exercise. All of it.

I got to play with some friends on Sunday. Man do I stink. And boy did I feel like the queen of excuses. I kept saying, "Wow! This is what I get for not playing for 6 months!" or "I cut my finger on a saw blade in June so I can't feel part of the ball when I set!" or "I had a baby in September, man that takes a lot out of the body!"

I pretty much felt lame. And there were a bunch of people there who I have never played with before so they must've thought I stunk. One of my friends even declared, "She's usually much better than this." Gee, thanks.

But, that's what I need to do to get better, right? I need to suck it up and get back in the game without complaining and just do my best to get back in shape at a reasonable rate. Two of my friends said they are going to take a volleyball class at De Anza and invited me to take it with them. I figure that's probably the best for me (rather than jumping back into tournament play). I can just take it easy and have fun. And I'll probably still be above average in the class. So, we'll see!

Yay me! I just started selling books on Amazon, and so can you.. It's easy!

I have a ka-jillion books that I'm never going to read again. So, I'm slowly building a stack of them (and maybe some other used stuff...) so I can make a bit of profit! If you have books you don't want and are too lazy to sell them yourself, you can give them to me and I'll sell them!

Well, since Caleb was born I've been a bit self-conscious of my weight. I put on about 10 pounds before I got pregnant (called trying to finish a master's degree while working full time). I figured I'd lose it all this summer by playing volleyball and surfing. But, God had other plans. Instead, I added an additional 40 pounds during pregnancy, 22 of which I lost after Caleb was born. So, now I still have another 28 to lose.

My doctor told me not to lose weight any faster than 1 pound a week while breastfeeding. I'm going to follow her advice since I don't want to get all obsessed with dieting and exercise at the risk of losing milk production or breaking the bond with my baby (I heard some women grow to resent their babies for making them heavier...). The only thing that stinks about losing weight at that rate is that it will take me until around May 18th to be back to my goal weight. That seems like forever.

Of the many things I've learned about motherhood, one of the prominent themes is that you never accomplish things on your own timeline anymore. I suppose that accepting my weight and being willing to do a slow, healthy weight loss is the smarter way to go. I've already shared before about why weight gain is so hard for me. I hope that I can learn to maintain a healthy attitude about myself while being heavier and not let it get to me.

Well, out of curiosity, I dug out my old photo box and scanned in a few pictures of me as a baby. I'm not sure what age I was in these pictures, but Josh swears he's seen some of these looks come from Caleb. One thing's for sure though, I sure loved to eat blankets.

The picture on the left is of Josh when he was 3 months old. The picture on the right is of Caleb at 8 weeks old. It's fun to compare the two! I'm trying to see if I can find some pictures of me that would compare to some of our new Flickr photos. It'd be fun to see who Caleb looks like the most. I think Josh so far.

And, while we're here, check out my sweet little pumpkin. We had fun toting the little guy around Whole Foods on Halloween. He got lots of sleep, and we got gelato!

He's finally here. I'm sure I'll write more later about my experiences, but right now Josh and I are just excited about getting to know him. You can check this blog, my Flickr photos, and Josh's blog for updates.

I will also remove the freaky "space baby" countdown from the sidebar at this point.

Oh, by the way, his name is Caleb Stephen Lewis, and he's beautiful.