Josh is trying to get me to give Jack a haircut. I am resisting because Jack's just a little peanut with wispy baby hair. He does have VERY short hair on the top, and these lovely "wings" on the sides. Some kind of baby mullet? Not sure. Anyway, in my trying to convince Josh that we should leave Jack's hair until his "real" hair comes in, I told him we could style his hair like this in the mean time. Jack is totally rocking the mullet horns.
I have found that I am the kind of person who (usually) needs structure when performing my role as homemaker & stay-at-home mom. Sometimes I'm totally fine just rolling through the days. Sometimes I hit walls where I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything, my kids are whiney, and I'm doing my best to just stay in some kind of good mood. I have found that there are a couple of things that help me avoid these negative days. The first is to keep a minimum level of order in my home. If clean clothes are in my closet, clean dishes are in the cupboards, and stuff isn't scattered around the floor, then I'm generally very chipper.
The second thing that helps me is establishing a routine with my kids. This article from Simple Mom, 20 Tips for Finding Routine with Kids, helped me to fine-tune the things I was already doing. Here are some points made in that article that clicked with me and my thoughts on them:
Think of your job as a job.
Just having this mindset helps me in so many ways. Even if I'm not planning on going out, I daily get up and showered, get dressed, and do my hair and make-up. I think of my husband as a boss/coworker and treat him accordingly (a.k.a. no calling your husband at work to whine and complain about everything). I set goals throughout the day such as having me, the kids, and the dog all fed and ready for the day by 10:00 a.m. along with the kitchen cleaned and laundry started. If I didn't think of my job as a job, I probably wouldn't care about things like this.
Clean as you go.
I need three things done regularly in my home that will send me down a depressive spiral if they are not done daily. First, I must have a clean kitchen. So, dishes are done after every meal. Second, I hate tripping on things, so stuff gets put away throughout the day (or in one giant sweep at night). Last, I will become mega-exasperated if it takes me more than 10 minutes to put an outfit together in the morning because laundry isn't done or it's sitting clean in a giant pile. So, I (try to) do laundry every day. Clean toilets, vacuumed floors, cobwebs... these things don't effect my psyche so they can slide a bit here and there when we get busy.
Have a brain dump at least once during the day - transfer everything swimming around in your head on to paper.
I keep a running To-Do list on my computer and I keep lists of projects, dreams, & art in a sketchbook. If I have too many things in my head I start to get paranoid that I'll forget them, so dumping them onto my lists helps me to prioritize. I want to spend my time on what really matters, not on what is making me stressed at the moment.
The key is to just plan something... Write a set-in-stone schedule, but keep it soft as clay.
You'll also notice that I refer to time as "blocks" in my two schedules. What that means is essentially "whatever amount of time exists between x and y." Such as lunch and naptime. Sometimes that's two minutes, sometimes that's two hours. Because I don't want to force a crying toddler through making a marshmallow snowman, I'll skip the project and put him down for a nap early. See, I've learned that mamahood is often about flexibility and letting things go. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't have a plan to avoid the insanity. I know I need one.
I find it interesting that the more serious of spiritual and life battles are often fought internally or in such a way that they are not public. I have been specifically considering families that have dealt with miscarriage or infertility. The only outward sign of this life trial is that the couple has no children, but a stranger or someone not in-the-know might just infer that they chose not to have children.
Now, a couple (especially the woman) dealing with this constantly sees around them all of the families who have children. You see the kids running around, the other mothers and fathers speak of their children, etc. But no one knows of my lost babes by looking at me; they will only know if I choose to speak of them. It is so easy to look around and see all of God's blessings (children) given to other families and then to think inwardly of your own missing children and feel alone in your struggle.
Now, wouldn't it be interesting if women also bore an outward sign of children they have lost? Or children they couldn't have?
I recognize that that would possibly cause more problems than it would solve. Like the adulteress forced to wear a capital "A" on her chest, the woman who could not bear living children would most likely struggle with much shame and guilt. On the other hand, it could give much hope, or at least perspective, to other women experiencing similar trials.
After I had my first miscarriage, women came out of the woodwork to share that they too have gone through that trial. I was astounded because had I never known anybody who dealt with it before my own loss. And after my second miscarriage, even more women came out of the woodwork. How would my life have been altered if (1) before I even had children I was aware that child loss happens so frequently and (2) I was able to easily identify other women who lived through this life trial while also enduring my own? Would easily being able to identify women in my own shared-experience-community allow for greater healing, life perspective, or at least understanding of a sovereign God?
I am in no way saying that women should bear any sign of lost children unless by personal choice. I'm not even sure if it's something I would ever do (unless you consider this blog to be an outward symbol of my losses).
Baby 1 - Lost around June 6th, 2002
Baby 2 - Lost December 9th, 2002
Baby 3 - Lost February 4, 2004
Baby 4 - Lost July 12th, 2006
Baby 5 - Born September 5th, 2007 - Caleb Stephen
Baby 6 - Born December 9th, 2009 - Jack Edward
(It's fun to have this blog because I can see how my willingness to yield to God's decisions has changed from Baby 1 to now. From confusion to anger to disbelief to peace to worship and praise. I'll share that journey at a later time.)
I have been trying to find ways to remember the lives of the four babes I have not known. I hope to someday mark their lives perhaps on my own gravestone (since they never got one of their own). I try to remember them on holidays and I always remember them on the dates that I lost them. I most often think of them when I dream of heaven. I wonder what it will be like to meet four children raised to perfection by God Himself. Blows my mind. Family reunion indeed.
Love when I get similar pictures to compare. They definitely are different looking boys, but this picture is the most similar of pictures I have of both boys so it's easiest to compare here. You can tell they're brothers though!
Here's Caleb at 6 days old (September 11, 2007):
Here's Jack at 8 weeks old (February 4, 2010):
Jack at 8 weeks old (February 3, 2010).
Jack doesn't smile much. But when he does, it makes for a happy Mama!
So, Josh's new iPhone has this recording device on it that's pretty good. So, here are some recordings we've done with Caleb. Caleb is 21-22 months in all of these.
Caleb is playing the piano while I talk to and sing with him. I try to get him to sing too. (actually, this first recording is done with the old iPhone)
Caleb on the Piano - Steph Interviews.m4a
Josh and Caleb were home for the night and were acting silly as usual.
CalGiggles.m4a
Caleb was going on and on about something he saw outside in our back yard, but Josh and I couldn't understand anything he said. So, we tried to figure it out and learned that he is either an excellent storyteller, or is seeing things.
SomethingOutside.m4a
Caleb has loved playing house with his Little People house and car lately. It has a dad, a mom, and a baby. He keeps them very busy. They all use the potty and then take a bath afterwards. The baby goes night-night frequently. And then he loads them all in the car and drives him to our door that leads to the garage. When I ask where they are going he exclaims, "Grandpa! [horse noise]"
Today he was holding the mom doll when I was changing him for bed. I asked him, "What does a mama do?" After his first response, I continued asking him, "What else does a mama do?" Here are his responses, in order:
"Kiss!" (then proceeded to kiss the doll many many times)
"Hug!" (hugged the doll)
"Baby eat." (give food to the baby)
"Baby drink." (give a drink to the baby)
"Book." (read books)
"Kiss hand." (he had a splinter in his hand recently and I kissed it frequently.)
This is the stuff that warms a mama's heart.
On Monday, Caleb and are were hanging out eating breakfast. He started showing symptoms of a cold on Sunday afternoon, but nothing past your runny nose and being tired. At night he started coughing. And, by our Monday morning breakfast time, he started showing signs of being worse. He started coughing a "barky" cough while clutching his neck and crying. Then, he started wheezing and I wondered if he had something lodged in his throat. I checked and he didn't. He kept asking to nurse, but when I would try to nurse him he'd grab his throat and cry and say, "No, no." So, I'd stop, and he'd ask to nurse again. The wheezing got worse, so I called the doctor.
There were no regular appointments left, so I took him to urgent care. The triage nurse checked his vitals and he had a slight temperature, but his oxygen levels were too low. He was still wheezing and coughing the "barky" cough. The nurse decided to send us to emergency, so we went there. His oxygen levels were checked again and they were still too low.
The doctor came in and ran some tests, then heard his cough and diagnosed Caleb with croup. The wheezing and low oxygen was due to narrowed airways. He was given a steroid, and within a couple of minutes was breathing normally and his oxygen levels returned to normal. They discharged us with some home care instructions.
Since then, he hasn't shown a scare like that one, although he is still fighting this cold. He seems much better this evening. I think I caught his cold too, but it's not effecting me as much as it has him. Also, I turn into obsessive hand-washing home-disinfecting lady when stuff like this goes down. So, hopefully Josh won't get sick.
I also learned fascinating things about how Tylenol Cold is like cocaine for babies, and that I should never give it to my children unless directed by a doctor. The doctor gave me a nice lesson on it's use (and seemed pretty bitter that it is still being sold over-the-counter). So, at least I had some mommy-building knowledge going on while in the ER. Pondering the profit-making of over-the-counter drugs helped me to stay strong so I could better support Caleb while there (instead of turning into a crazy, worried, emotional basketcase of a woman).
I like to set up little art activities before I go to bed so that when Caleb wakes up in the morning he wanders over to his little table and engages in the activity. One of my favorites is to do drawings in sharpie on paper that I then tape down to his drawing board.
For the record, I strongly suggest that you use drawing boards with kids. They make the paper more stable and less likely to rip. Oh, and you can move the drawing board around the house or outside easily. I'll tape several different things down including blank paper, pages from coloring books, magazine prints, etc.
This drawing is of Daddy, Grandpa, and Ella. When he came out to this, he kept shouting, "Grandpa! Dada! Ella!" as he worked. Here I let him "paint" with water. Later he added crayon and then some watercolor paint. To finish, we cut out pictures from an old magazine and Caleb taped them on the paper where he wanted them. We finished it with some tempera paint. This whole process takes about a week and I love that he gets to see something slowly progress into something bigger.
I'm trying to think of some good ways to display his finished artworks. Currently they go on the fridge or on the surfboard clips in his bedroom. I'm thinking up some ideas using old picture frames and clips that I think could be cool, but I'm not in a hurry. Maybe I'll get inspired to that end this summer!
Caleb and Ella, our miniature dachshund, are best buds. They are pretty much always by each other. They play fetch with Ella's toys, he gives her dog treats, she comes when he calls her (sometimes), they sit by each other and cuddle under a blanket when we're on the couch together. Sometimes Caleb will even go inside of Ella's kennel ("Her kennel, where she goes night night.") and shout, "Woof! Woof! Ella! Ella! Woof!"
Once the weather got really cold, I had to re-potty train Ella. She was like, "I'm not going out there!" and would go hide under blankets until her bladder was about to explode and she'd go somewhere out of sight from me. So, I was watching her very closely, looking for signs that she had to go outside, re-teaching her how to show me that she had to go outside, catching her doing the naughty in my house, and praising her when she got it right.
Okay, enough with the lead up exposition and on with the main story.
I was changing Caleb's diaper and I saw Ella slink off into our bedroom. I could tell by her slinking that she was going to go to the bathroom. So, I set Caleb down on the floor (naked at this point) and went into my room where Ella was in the middle of peeing on my bed(!). I scolded Ella and put her outside, only to realize that Caleb was gone. So, I ran around looking for him and finally found him sitting, naked, in Ella's kennel. And you know what he was doing? Peeing.
Take that, Ella.
I love seeing Caleb's sense of humor develop. Though he's always loved to laugh, I can see him starting to find humor in more things and he is even trying to make his own jokes. His early humor was physical, he loved being tickled, kicking his legs, swinging around, and anything else that was very motor oriented.
Toward the end of summer, he started finding humor in things like hiding under a blanket or in the closet and laughing like crazy when we finally found him. He also put a hat on Ella and thought that was very funny.
About a week ago, I was reading him The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats (a fantastic book). There is a part where the boy hits a snow-covered tree with a stick, causing snow to fall on his head. I signed to Caleb and pointed to the picture, "SNOW fell on his HEAD!" He burst out laughing. He kept turning back to the page and signing that snow fell on his head, and then he'd fall over and laugh and laugh. Later in the day, I would say, "Snow fell on his head!" Caleb would sign "head" and laugh some more.
Today, Josh and I finishing dinner, Caleb decided to start a little sideshow to entertain us. He was attempting to throw a can in the garbage can for awhile. Then, he made the sign for "eat" and then pointed to the wall. He immediately started snickering so hard he had to cover his mouth. Josh said, "Eat the wall??? That's silly!" And that unleashed Caleb's laughter. Eat the wall indeed.
I can't wait to hear more of his jokes. What a happy little boy!
I literally spat cereal out of my mouth today because Caleb was so funny. I tried getting it on video (he did repeat himself), but I can't find where my Flip ended up after our trip to Branson. Hmmmm...
Anyway, this is what happened. We were looking at the Noah's Ark snow globe and making all of the animal sounds. I have been trying to teach him that a bunny wiggles it's nose instead of making a noise (the only rabbit noise I've ever heard is it's death cry and I'm not about to teach that one to my kid).
So, I said, "Caleb, what does a bunny rabbit say?"
He looked at me, shoved his finger far up into his left nostril, then exhaled through his nose, causing a HUGE snot bubble to form from his right nostril (we're talking golf ball here). He held the pose and grinned.
And then I spat out the cereal, which I think he took as encouragement... Oh, the wonderful joys of parenthood!
Or should I say, "Literature for the children of geeks?"
Recently, I was looking over Caleb's Wish List with Josh and asked him his opinions on books or other Christmas gifts that would be good for Caleb at this point in his life. He couldn't really think of anything so I asked, "Well, what are the children of geeks reading these days?"
Initially, nothing came to mind. Then, he said his buddy gosnat had suggested the book Ping, 
a book about a duck crossing a river. And it's geeky because it's about pinging.
That being said, we laughed heartily at one of the customer reviews of the book left by John E. Francisco. This was our favorite part (which explains the book and is also hilarious):
Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix's most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.The book describes networking in terms even a child could understand, choosing to anthropomorphize the underlying packet structure. The ping packet is described as a duck, who, with other packets (more ducks), spends a certain period of time on the host machine (the wise-eyed boat). At the same time each day (I suspect this is scheduled under cron), the little packets (ducks) exit the host (boat) by way of a bridge (a bridge). From the bridge, the packets travel onto the internet (here embodied by the Yangtze River).
The title character -- er, packet, is called Ping. Ping meanders around the river before being received by another host (another boat). He spends a brief time on the other boat, but eventually returns to his original host machine (the wise-eyed boat) somewhat the worse for wear.
If you need a good, high-level overview of the ping utility, this is the book. I can't recommend it for most managers, as the technical aspects may be too overwhelming and the basic concepts too daunting.
Moving on, we felt sad that the great, vast, and powerful geek community had no children's books that we could think of besides this one (which, by the way, was published in 1933. Seriously. If that's not total hardcore old school 1337, I don't know what is).
I continued by googling "books for geek children," and the search engine immediately asked me, "Did you mean: books for greek children"? We also found this to be hilarious. And sad. It was both hilarious and sad.
We did find a few notable things. The first being the Geek Parenting site, which listed 10 Superhero Comic Books your Kids should be Reading. Most of these were Marvel comics (Fantastic Four, Hulk, Spider Man, etc.). Some could say that comic books are more on the "nerd" side of the line than the "geek" side, and I know there are lots of people who straddle the line quite gracefully, but I'm not here to hold the nerd vs. geek debate. (Note the funny conversation between daughter & father on the Geek Parenting site -- Daughter: "Daddy, what's a multiverse?" Dad: "It's a plot device for lazy writers." LOLZ.)
Back to my conversation with Josh. We recognized that many geeks are totally into comic books and that they are a fantastic genre. But, in this case we were instead looking for books that taught about geek topics of interest like net neutrality, digital privacy, digital rights management, intellectual property rights in the digital age, topics considered by the Electronic Frontier Foundation... you get the idea.
(Sidenote: We then stumbled upon a link to the still-funny Children's Books that Didn't Make It. We came up with a few of our own and enjoyed the general hilarity of it all. But that is a huge digression from the topic at hand.)
In the end, our search was mostly fruitless and disappointing. With so many great and interesting topics swirling around the geek community these days, there has got to be something that our children could enjoy right along with us. The wheels are turning. I'm not promising anything, but the wheels are turning. So far there is a boy and a bird....
Well, today marks our transition from disposable diapers back to cloth. We initially started with a mix of disposable & cloth, but decided to go to all disposable because of the whole move across the country, live with my parents, search for a house, buy a house, move again thing. Now that we're nice and settled, I figured I'd switch back.
I'm using cloth diapers with the Bummis covers. We have both the Super Brites and the Super Whisper Wraps. They worked great for us before and I'm hoping they'll work great again this time.
I will be using my front-load high-efficiency washer (which has a special setting just for diapers!) to wash them myself instead of doing a diaper service (I don't even think they'd do that in the boonies where I live!). I think it should go pretty smoothly, but we'll see!
Before the change back to cloth, Caleb had started notifying me when he needed a new diaper, usually by going into his room and getting a clean diaper out of the cabinet. I think this communication will make it easier on him to use cloth since he can tell me when he's wet.
Josh's parents have often spoken of Josh's childhood in terms of "Houdweebie" stories. They are basically odd things that Josh would do to escape situations and pretty much just be the weird kid that he was.
Here is a recording (from Josh and Kevin's college radio show Mission Control) of Josh's mom sharing some Houdweebie stories about Josh:
Well, I think those wonderful genes have been passed down to Caleb.
First, Caleb has escaped the church nursery (out the first gate only) twice. TWICE. How many other babies have I known that have escaped even once? None. I haven't even seen another child consider it. But, Caleb has learned to sit very very quietly near the gate (while feigning interest in a toy) and pay close attention to adult movement. When he sees an adult reach for the gate, he quickly slips in step behind them. Luckily, the second gate is not as easy to get out of, and he has just cried and banged on it, which alerts people that he escaped (again) so they can put him back in the nursery.
I have since had people in the nursery, upon finding that I was Caleb's mom, say, "Oh, he's the escape artist." Indeed. He's our Houdweebie.
On a similar note, although not a story of escape, we have found that Caleb has also developed excellent slight of hand skills. In the nursery at our church, babies are labeled on the back so we know who they are and if they have any special needs. So, every baby has a name tag, and some babies have special instructions (usually "diaper rash," "spits up," etc.). Recently, while I was working in the nursery while Caleb was in there, another volunteer pointed to an unidentified child and said, "Who is that baby?" It was at this point in time that we realized that not just that one, but FIVE babies did not have nametags on their backs to identify them. This baffled us since all of these babies had nametags when they came in.
Well, I didn't have to look any further than my own son, sitting quietly in the corner playing with five sticky nametags. Though we were all playing with the babies, none of us noticed Caleb's little collection spree.
The next time I picked Caleb up in the nursery, besides having his own name stuck to his back, he had another identifier "Escapes. Steals nametags."
So, already at 14 months of age, Caleb has begun racking up his own Houdweebie stories. But, now he's going to have to up the ante because we're all on to him. I hope his next attempts include something cool like a top hat and a small flock of doves.
Caleb was a Lion for Halloween this year. I made this costume for him out of fleece and ribbon. I made it a little big (with room to let out) so that he can still play in it over the next couple of years. He loved being a lion and even got the hang of roar-ing towards the end.
First we went to Grandpa & Grandma Whiting's house and trick-or-treated there. They loved how cute he was with his little tail. Then we went to visit the Peterson & Lewis families in White Bear Lake. We trick-or-treated with Elise (a clown) and Maia (Robin Hood). Andrew & Karina (superman & wonderwoman) joined us for the first house, but then stayed back because we party to hard for them. So, Jon & Emily and Grandpa & Grandma Lewis all came with us trick-or-treating.
Caleb was confused at first until one of the houses had a dog. He was excited and stood at the door looking at their dog. I think after that he thought trick-or-treating was so we could look for dogs in other peoples' houses. Once he realized a house didn't have a dog, he seemed disinterested. If a house had a dog, he would get excited and stand at the door bouncing up and down. (Note: I think I would actually prefer Halloween if we went from house to house admiring other peoples' pets. It would be way better than candy.)
When we were finished trick-or-treating, we went to Trinity Baptist where we played some games. Caleb enjoyed jumping in the giant inflatable dog, and also spent quite a bit of time pointing at the giant inflatable dog making "woof" sounds.
All in all, we had a fun night out!
I've been reading the book Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. So far it's been a decent read, but I was really struck with the section that describes how many Christian families want to raise "safe" Christian kids. This is done by essentially raising them in a bubble -- Christian schools, Christian friends, protection from the evils of the world, and so on.
Kimmel tells the story of a Christian college that sent some students on a missions trip. One student was injured on the trip; her mother sued the school. And won. While I don't know the specifics of this event, it really struck me as being an interesting and disturbing shift in Christian thought. And it also left me aching at the shallowness of some peoples' faith (including my own). And it challenged me to consider risking everything in order to share God's love with others, to live a life that rests and relies completely on Him, and to treasure following God above my own safety.
Kimmel's own daughter was planning on going on a missions trip in Haiti with a group from her Christian college. At the time, Haiti was placed on the U.S. State Department's travelers alert. A parent called the college and said they should cancel the trip because it was unsafe. The school responded that many places where missions were most needed were on the travelers alert list. The parent asked if the university was prepared to guarantee the safety of their daughter. And threatened a lawsuit if anything did happen to her daughter. The school was backed into a financial and legal corner and ended up canceling the trip. (Why the mom didn't just pull her own kid from the trip I don't know...)
How did Kimmel's daughter respond? She went to Haiti on her own, brought the supplies the school had gathered with her, and returned the following summer to continue work.
I hope that I can raise my children to be strong and reliant on Christ. Though I would be so grieved if anything happened to my children on the mission field, my joy would be overwhelming to know that their hope rested in God.
Today at Musikgarten I noticed more gender differences in our budding toddlers. In a class of 3 boys and 3 girls, there were clear things that boys and girls did differently. First, the boys were more likely to run away from the group to explore the room. Actually, I never saw the girls do this, but us moms of boys were constantly up on our feet to retrieve our little guys.
The other thing is that all of the boys, at least twice each (or about nine-million times for Caleb) kept going over to examine the door stop on the back of the door. They never saw each other doing this, but would in their own time notice it and then squat down to flip it up and down. Two of the boys were also very interested in the under-parts of the folding table, one piece would make a clinking sound. There seemed to be this deep boy interest in exploring and figuring out how things worked.
The other boy difference I noticed is that Caleb and one of the other boys are obsessed with trying to find the remote control for the CD player. If the teacher has it, they try to get it (sometimes both at once!). If she sets it down, one of them will inevitably escape his mother and nab it before taking off towards the door. Caleb will take it and point it at the CD player while pushing buttons (I really have to be fast at catching this one!). His mother and I usually mumble something about "his dad loves technology" before whisking our child away and trying to distract him with something else.
The girls, seriously, all stay near their mothers and participate in class with the singing, playing with stuffed kitties, jingling little bells, and playing peek-a-boo with colored scarves.
I encourage my son to participate in the class as much as I can and strive to show him benefits that come from both male and female. At home we have toys from both genders as well as gender-neutral ones. He observes me more than he observes dad (because I'm home with him all day), but is definitely getting strong influence from both genders.
However much we'd like to believe that gender differences don't exist, it's so apparent when observing little ones that they do exist. It just brings out the complementarian in me even more.
Caleb loves the garbage truck. I usually take him outside when I hear it rumbling up the road so we can sit on the front steps and watch it take ours + 2 neighbors' trash away. We point and I make comments about what a "big blue truck!" it is.
This day, I did not take him outside. I told him, "Caleb, the garbage truck is coming! Do you hear it?" He pointed to the window then scurried up the couch to peer out the window at it. Ella joined him.
I loved how Norman Rockwell-esque the scene was. A boy and his trusty dog, experiencing the world together.
One thing that is interesting about parenting is that your child is always growing. And as a parent you have to anticipate these changes, this moving forward. I've been looking for good motor skill opportunities for Caleb since his new thing is climbing. He climbs onto chairs and the couch, up the slide (both sides), up hills, up steps (then down, then back up again). What will be next?
The beauty of this is that eventually, this progress will bring him to a place where he stands firmly on his own two feet, taller than me, looking me in the eye, engaging in adult conversation. But for now, I get to look down on the top of his little head, pursed lips, and diaper-bunched little jeans while he explores and finds his own forward momentum.
My failures as a parent currently include the following:
1. Animal Sounds
We have an animal book that is really fantastic. I point to the pictures and say, "This is a lion, he says ROAR!" Caleb loves it. We read this book more than any other book and Caleb looks at it by himself a lot, turning the pages back and forth, banging on it, and babbling on about it. Anyway, there I so many animals that I have no sound for. Hippo? Giraffe? Koala? Meerkat? Is there some kind of animal sound parental tutorial I can take?
2. Girly Fingernails
I hate cutting baby fingernails. They grow way too fast and are sharp little things, so you have to keep on top of it. But, I'm bad at it. They get long and I usually don't cut them until I notice scratches on my skin from him squeezing my arm flab too hard. I have to wait until he's in a deep sleep, then trim them very quickly and carefully lest I wake him. There have been so many times I put him down to sleep thinking, "I have to cut his nails this time." And then I forget. And they grow longer. And I get my arm flab pinched some more.
3. Booklight Attachment
Around this age, babies will often develop an attachment to a favorite toy or blanket. My child is attached to my bright pink booklight. I've kept it at my bedside ever since he was born so that I could read in the dark rooms where he nursed and fell asleep. He knows where I keep it and will get it and carry it around the house. He loves the bendy neck on it, the clip is a source of endless joy, and he also knows how to hit the button to turn it on, dim it, and then turn it off. My kid is weird. I've been trying to get him to attach to Grover, but so far it's not working. I could hide my booklight and make him go cold turkey, but then I wouldn't be able to read in the dark anymore.
We went in for Caleb's nine month well-baby checkup today. They said he is overall a very healthy and "advanced" baby in terms of his abilities. He is, however, below average when it comes to the regular baby stats. Here they are:
Weight: 18 lbs., 13.9 oz. (24th percentile)
Length: 27.50 inches (26th percentile)
Head: 17.17 inches (46th percentile)
He's also an eating machine. The doctor said that babies run a spectrum from being very eager eaters to being very finicky (in terms of eating "real" food vs. baby food). Caleb eats pretty much everything (except the "baby no-no" foods), and most of these are things from my plate that I just chop up for him. He will refuse baby food unless it is chunky, so I'll usually mix something in with it (usually rice or cereal puffs). His favorite foods now are cheetos, garlic cheesy toast, green beans (whole, cooked), meat, cottage cheese, and garlic mashed potatoes. I find that a dash of garlic or cinnamon can make the difference between lips clamped shut or mouth wide open. So, he's definitely a connoisseur.
Oh, and he also has a tooth! It broke through on May 22nd. It's the top-left tooth. I think the top-right is going to come next because it looks like it's ready to break through any day now. He's handled teething pretty well. We relieve the pain with my home remedy. I take one ice cube, put it in a baby washcloth, then twist it up with one of my hair ties. I dip it in water and hand it to him and he just sucks away. He is not even interested in store-purchased teething rings and I personally think they're a wasted effort. Sometimes we'll split a fruit popsicle too. I don't mind splitting popsicles! It's one of the honors of motherhood! (Mmmm... popsicle... garaglaaallllhhhhhahahahaha...)
He's growing, he's fantastic, and I'm loving every minute of it.
Caleb is quite verbal for his age. He says Mama, Dada, Ella, and All Done. His favorite word is Ella. He calls Henson Ella, he called my cousins puppy Ella, the neighbor's dog is Ella, and when we go for a walk and hear dogs barking in the distance, he looks at me and proclaims, "Ella!" And I say yes, it's a dog, just like Ella. And he grins.
Today he had Ella in his sights as he crawled quickly toward her. "Ella! Ella! Ellllll-ahhhhhhhh!" he shouted. Ella looked at him, nearing her at a faster-than-usual pace, and bolted out of the room onto the safety of the couch. Caleb stopped in defeat, knowing he couldn't keep up with her let alone get onto the couch. He started to cry in frustration, but luckily there was a vent nearby for him to look at and hit. He loves vents.
Boy does he crawl around. Today for the first time he grabbed onto a lower-rung of a dining room chair and pulled himself up to a kneeling, then a-frame position. He wants to stand so bad.
I'm loving my talkative, fast-paced little guy. My favorite part of the day is on our daily walk. We walk down to the lake, go to the end of the public dock and sing a hymn. Well, I sing the hymn. Caleb points to stuff and babbles. The dogs enjoy the sunshine on their brace leash. Does it get any better? I savor those moments and try to press them into my mind so I never forget the wonder, the feeling of completeness, the uber-contentedness.
Caleb had his 4 month checkup on Friday (even though he's almost five months old, but his actual 4 month appointment got cancelled.)
Here are his stats:
Date: 01/25/2008
Weight: 15 lbs., 12 oz. (44th percentile)
Height: 24 3/4" (29th percentile)
Head: 16 1/4" (16th percentile)
He's a happy, strong little guy and is a picture of health! He got three shots and an oral vaccine which he did not like, but he was quite the little trooper.
Caleb is now quite the mover. He can now roll over from tummy to back and from back to tummy. He is very good at grabbing things and drooling all over them. He can also do this weird inch-worm crawl like thing (like a sack of potatoes gone robotic) if there is something in front of him that he wants. He fusses a lot while pushing himself forward to get that thing, but is so happy when he finally reaches it.
He's really starting to connect with his environment. He loves to chew and suck on anything he can get. He is a super bath time kicker and splashes water all over me and the mirror; he thinks this is hilarious. He loves to pet 5 and Ella. He really gets going on the Jumperoo and is very capable of keeping the music going in his Baby Einstein gym. His favorite story is I See a Monster. He loves being sung to, and his favorites include The Boa Constrictor Song, Dream a Little Dream, Mahna Mahna, and the La La La Song. We go for walks in the park every day with him in a sling; he loves going in the swing there and also loves to watch the other kids scream and play. He is not interested in ducks or geese attacking people, but I am!
He is wearing size 9 months pants because the size 6 month ones don't cover his chubby ankles. I have decided that sizes on baby clothes are laughable.
He is eating rice cereal and bananas (both mixed with breast milk) and the doctor said I should start introducing some fruits and veggies as well. He loves to eat when we eat. If you don't feed him, he will grab your plate, food, & silverware and scream at you.
And, he loves to talk. He will look at you very seriously and talk for 10-15 minutes straight. Sometimes he seems very serious, and sometimes he gets quite dramatic (gee, where does he get that from?). When we go out, if people talk to him, he will usually greet them back with lots of words, eye contact, and cutie grins. A lady at Josh's work said he's the biggest flirt of a baby she's ever met. (Word got around and Josh's coworkers now say, "So, I heard your kid is a flirt.")
Josh and I are really enjoying him. We have contests to see who can get him laughing the hardest. There are several things that will get him going. One is to go up and down in front of him ("I'm going down down down. Now I'm down. How'd I get down here? Now I go up up up! I'm UP!"). He also goes crazy for The Boa Constrictor song. Josh got him going big time the other day by showing him Cookie Monster clips on You Tube. When he rolls over he laughs. He is ticklish in the armpits and feet. If his Grover toy "fuzzles" him all over, that makes him laugh. Pretty much anything I do is amusing to him. Bath time and diaper changing also produces much laughter. He also loves if you dance with him, he just giggles the whole time.
Well, that's the Caleb update!
A friend of mine and several of my old coworkers swear by the book Babywise. It basically teaches parents how to put their babies on a schedule so that baby will fit into the parents' lives better. When Caleb was born, I took on more of an attachment parenting method and loved The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.
So, I read Babywise over the last week to see what it was all about. No offense to any of my friends who are using this method, but I think Josh got tired of me shouting out while reading it. I got frustrated at how the book portrayed attachment parenting, as though I'm some kind of overworked, exhausted mother sacrificing everything to cater to every little whim of my child. Oh, and of course my child will be uber-spoiled and obese because I do on-cue feeding. And I should never nurse my baby to sleep because I am giving him a crutch. And so on, sarcasm intended.
I think the book had a few good things to say, but overall I found the scheduling method to be a bunch of hooey. I don't think it's possible to mess a kid up by building a strong parent-child trust and attachment.
One nice thing about reading the Babywise book is that it helped me to feel more confident about the choices Josh and I have decided to make (a.k.a. not following the Babywise book!). That, and Caleb is a very happy, observant little guy. I think the choices we are making are overall working very well for us and that makes me happy.
This pic of Caleb is priceless. I love the "My Mom Rocks" shirt, which he's wearing along with a hat that Jen Alward made for him. Actually, you may recall seeing Caleb & Josh wearing the matching hats that she made for the two of them!
When you have a baby, it's difficult to do simple things like eat a basic meal. So, I decided to make eating my dinner entertainment for Caleb. I think he enjoyed watching me eat my taco!
Today Caleb had his 10 week check-up at Kaiser. I spent almost three hours at the doctor's office, most of it in the waiting room of the pediatrics vaccination clinic, but I'll get to that later.
Here are his current stats:
Weight: 12 lbs., 9 oz. (61.68% of weight percentile for age)
Length: 23" (42.42% of length percentile for age)
Head Circumference: 15.25" (16.03% of head circ. for age)
Josh is concerned that Caleb's head circumference is a bit small for his age, especially considering that he's a Lewis. To combat this, Josh has started a three-times-a-day regimen of telling Caleb how beautiful and smart he is. At this rate, we figure Caleb's head will get big in no time.
Caleb also received three shots (DTAP/HBV/IPV, Pneumonia, and HIB/PRP-T) and one oral vaccine (Rotavirus). He cried, I cried. He has little band-aids on his chubby thighs. I hate seeing babies get shots. (P.S. What kind of person wants the job of stabbing babies with needles? I mean, someone's gotta do it, but seriously, that job would stink. Although, I suppose I'd rather have that job than the circumcision job, but I digress...)
On with the torture of today. I checked in for our doctor's appointment (with Dr. Griffin), waited about 5 minutes, went in, and had a great check up. Caleb was in an awesome mood and smiled and cooed the entire time. The doctor kept commenting on what a happy guy he was, and that just made me feel fantastic. Of course, I know that had she seen Caleb at certain other times of the day, he wouldn't have been as grinny, but I'll take what I can get!
After a nice visit with the doctor, we went over to the pediatrics vaccination clinic to get his shots. We waited for TWO HOURS. Those of you who have had small children know that sitting in a waiting room with lots of bored toddlers and their parents is not a fun thing to do. To make matters worse, the rooms where kids were given vaccinations were on each side of the waiting room. Unfortunately, the genius who designed the place didn't think to make those rooms soundproof. Through the closed doors we heard the frantic screams, wails, and "Mommy! Mom-mom-MOMMY!" of poor children who had just been poked. Seriously, some kids sounded like there was an exorcism going on. "MA!! MA!!! MA!!! AHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHH! NO! NO! NO! MAAAA!!!!" The toddlers in the waiting room would go to their parents, looking concerned for the sweet little girl that was just carried out of the room, tears and snot streaming down her face. The parents would tell their toddlers, "It's okay, Sweetie, you'll be fine." Yeah, right. They knew they were being lied to. They knew it was only a matter of time before they had to face whatever was on the other side of the door. And some of them tried to make a break for it, only to be dragged back to the waiting room kicking and crying. They knew that something awful was behind those doors, perhaps something related to whatever made those sounds in their closets or under their beds at night.
I listened to those wails for TWO HOURS. It really starts to get to you. I tried reading a book, but would get to the end of the page and have no idea what I just read. I tried reading the same page about four times, but none of what I had read would stick to my brain. So, I spent a lot of the time staring at the ceiling or watching the parent-child dynamics in the waiting room. (Caleb pretty much just nursed and slept the whole time there, so he was pretty easy. I ended up having to dance around with him a bit at the end just to keep him occupied, but that was fine).
The neat thing about watching parent-child dynamics is that you get to see all different kinds of parenting styles. There was (1) the parent who loudly announced everything her child did, "OH! LOOK AT HER SMILE! YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL, HONEY! YES YOU ARE!! YES YOU ARE!!!" There was (2) the parent who hated her life (at least today) because her kid was going, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" while she ignored him and played on her cell phone. Then, you had (3) the overstimulating parent who insisted on airplaning her 9-week-old through the place, "Rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! Zooooooooom!!!" I also enjoyed watching (4) the father of the only teenager there. His 16-year-old sat next to him listening to his iPod, seeming really annoyed that he had to sit in the same room as airplane lady and loud-talking lady. And of course there was (5) the mother of a four-year-old boy who kept trying to teach him colors. "This is red. RED." Her son was so hyped up he kept trying to run down the halls or steal toys from other kids. I wondered what the point was of trying to show colors to spazz-out-boy, but who knows. There were many other parent-child sets there, several of whom were very good with their kids. It's interesting to people watch and see all the differences out there.
So, yeah, two hours later, my beautiful son got stabbed three times and we got to go home. I was exhausted by that point, amazed at how much energy I had drained from three hours out of the house. Luckily, Caleb was also sleepy, so I was able to come home and enjoy some quality chill time in the rocking chair with him. He's such a trooper.
This is reflection two.
When interviewed, many mothers use the word "shock" to describe their initial feelings of being mothers. Why? Because your entire life changes 180 degrees in a moment. I relate it to culture shock. Suddenly, you are solely responsible for a little being, a little being that is needy and freaked out and can do very little without you. Even if you've cared for children before, there is a certain amount of uncertainty and awkwardness when getting to know your own child. What if I break him? Is he still breathing? How can I stop his crying? And, in all things concerning the child, the buck stops with you. This means that the weight of your life and your decisions, feels heavier because a small helpless person will receive that which you cannot carry.
The culture of a new mother completely shifts, and this can create feelings of loneliness for many women. Being independent before, now it takes significant planning to get you and the baby to an appointment without being out of sorts. Friends may not understand you anymore (and you may have difficulty connecting to them now as well). Many old activities aren't conducive to having a newborn (like surfing... that one's hard to do). Suddenly, your husband is talking to you and you don't hear him because you're thinking about the baby. When you go to the store and your time triples because you brought a baby. If you take a shower, it gets cut short because of a crying baby... Suddenly, the woman's mind is working double time to figure out how to do basic things with a baby in tow. In addition, the woman is, for a time, dependent on others for survival (depending on the kind of birth she had and how she intends to make money after the baby is born). A once independent person, now has a youngster clinging to her and relying on her for nurturing and sustenance. Granted, as the mother develops skill and an understanding of her baby, she can work through many of these issues, but the initial shock in the first few weeks is very strong.
Many American women are raised by parents and school systems to be workers, not mothers. We go through school learning arithmetic, science, and writing. I think that is fantastic, and I enjoyed learning all of those things. What happened to the Home Economics type classes that used to be offered? These classes taught young boys and girls how to raise children, prepare meals, handle finances, maintain a home. Why are these types of life skills not an educational requirement anymore? It seems that school has prepared us for working, but not for parenting or other life skills. What then, of the men and women who did not have strong parenting figures growing up? They are left to grapple and muddle through fatherhood and motherhood, kind of playing it all by ear or seeking advice from friends and experts.
I still remember when Josh and I brought Caleb home from the hospital. He was in his car seat, we brought him in the house, and were both like, "Okay... now what?" Caleb was sleeping at the time. Josh immediately started organizing our house (cleaning, going through the mail, etc.) and I started ridding our home of all signs of pregnancy (maternity clothes, the giant pillow I slept with, etc.). That was so weird. Then Caleb woke up and I was like, "Okay, I guess I should feed him." We muddled through, which was probably the best way to do it. It was so weird. Even though I had read books and we had taken classes and we both had great parental role models, it all felt so foreign to us. Eventually, we established more of a rhythm and routine for our house, so there was more predictability. But, man, those first few days were so bizarre.
The next thing that I did not prepare for was the division of friends. Suddenly, people who used to be great friends, seemed judgmental of your parenting decisions or didn't understand how things changed for you because you had a newborn. My mom even mentioned to me that they lost several friends after their first child was born because they couldn't understand why they didn't just dump my brother off with a sitter so they could party all night. Yeah, let's see you leave your newborn baby with a clueless teenager! I even am finding my own opinions on parenting very strong. For example, I can't stand to hear a baby cry and will attempt to comfort the baby as much as I can. Others believe in the "cry it out" method, which drives me nuts! Again, I just can't stand the thought of a baby crying alone. But, are parents who do that "bad" parents? Should I really cast my judgment on them, even though they are just trying their best to grapple through parenthood the same as me? I am learning to feel confident in my parenting style without casting unnecessary judgment on others.
The funny thing about experiencing the parent shock is how the opinions you had before becoming a parent, may shift drastically after having children. This experience makes for books like I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids and I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids. I have already found that many of my pre-baby opinions about parenting and being a stay-at-home mom are pretty much worthless. Clean house? Ha! Dinner on the table for my husband? I'm happy if I brushed my teeth some days. Thought I'd ease smoothly into parenthood? Nope. But I'm loving every minute of it.
This is reflection one.
Summary: This chapter is about how it is difficult to convey to others what a mother does all day long parenting her child. For one, people who are not mothers don't understand how "nothing" gets accomplished all day. This is especially because mothers often have nothing tangible to show for their work. Another reason that Naomi Stadlen brings up is that the English language doesn't really have words that express what a mother is doing. We have words like "warm, loving, wonderful, patient, understanding, kind, caring, nurturing, concerned, responsible, and unselfish" but that "most of these words don't indicate anything good that she might have done. They describe the state of a mother's heart." So, I can love my child, but what do I really have to show for it?
My Thoughts: I received a phone call from a fellow coworker and she said that the other people who work at my school were taking bets to determine when I would go back to work. Nobody thought I'd ever be a stay-at-home mom and several of them thought I'd come back before my maternity leave was even over. Why? Because they thought I was a busy person who loved to do things, which implies that stay-at-home moms don't actually do anything. Apparently, one commented that staying at home with a child was one of the most boring things she'd ever done in her life. (I wasn't there during the conversation, so this is just hearsay). It is clear that many people are not aware of the many details that go into mothering a child.
I was thinking about the lack of words to describe what a mother does all day. At first I disagreed and thought, no I've been mothering Caleb, cuddling him, swinging him, etc. Then, I recognized that those words fail to describe being a mother just as the warm, loving, wonderful, patient, etc. words above did. Merely stating the outward task of what I did doesn't:
(1) Have a lot of respect associated with it.
When is the last time you were commended for excellent cuddling or swinging? People don't come to my house and see me with Caleb and say, "Wow! You are the best at burping a baby! Well done!" It just seems like something basic and obvious that any person with half a brain should be able to do.
(2) Get at the depth of all the things that are actually happening.
Think about it. My baby cries, so I attempt to discern from the type of cry he is giving me and his non-verbals what he actually needs. Is he hurt? Hungry? Lonely? Scared? A combination? Then, I start trying stuff, at least until I learn what his different communications mean. Eventually, I start picking up on his cues.
A few weeks ago at church, I left the sanctuary with a crying baby. Today, I knew he was hungry by the way he moved his lips, and that told me to leave and feed him. He never got the chance to cry. So, when I'm caring for my baby, I'm also learning to understand his cues. This learning is not implied in any of the words listed above that describe what a mother does all day.
I'm also learning how to best respond to his cues. When Caleb has to burp, sometimes he likes to go in typical "burp position" facing over my shoulder. However, I'm learning that when he has a bigger burp, he prefers to sit on my lap. I have learned this because his cries/frustration will continue until I put him where he is best able to get the burp out. Not only am I learning how to understand what he wants, I am also learning how to best give it to him.
These are just two examples of things that are happening when mothering a child that are not accounted for when I try to explain what I did all day. There are more things that happen between a mother and a child (sharing language, developing cultural understanding, learning social skills, etc.) during the day. These things are significant to the growth of a child, and yet, how do I explain to someone what I am actually doing all day? I've tried simplifying it down to saying that I was "mothering," but that word only makes sense to those who are mothers.
(3) Take into account that I still don't have anything tangible to show for my time.
If you come to my house at the end of the day, and ask me what I did all day, and I respond that I was "mothering" (sounds so lame...), you look around and see nothing different from the day before. My baby is not suddenly reciting Shakespeare with a perfect British accent. My baby is not three times his normal size. My baby cannot prove that he is 1/100th smarter than he was the day before. And my house definitely doesn't look any better. :-)
When I worked in the "real world," I had lots of tangible things to show for my time at the end of each day. I had lengthy checklists that I would plow through and baskets labeled "To Do" that I would empty before going home. If anyone asked me what I had done all day, they could see the stacks of papers graded, the parent phone calls made, the art displays put up, the orders placed, the clay cut, and so on.
This contrast to mothering makes it even more difficult to grasp that mothers might actually be doing something of value at home with their babies all day. What do I have to show for my weekend? Not a lot. But, man am I tired.
I'm reading this (so far) great book called What Mothers Do Especially When It Looks Like Nothing by Naomi Stadlen. Stadlen is a psychotherapist, breastfeeding counselor, leader of a discussion group called Mothers Talking, and a mother of three. Her book is about "seemingly insignificant skills that mothers practice and refine every day, such as responding to a baby's colicky cry, being instatnly interruptible, or soothing an overstimulated child to sleep" (from the back of the book). It's almost like a psychology/philosophy perspective of mothers.
Stadlen shares lots of stories by different mothers about how they view these different "skills" and categorizes them into skills and experiences that mothers share. While reading, I found myself nodding along with some of her writing and pondering the depths of what it means to be a mother. So, I have decided that I will share my reflections on some of these "skills" in future blog posts so I can remember some of the perspectives and stories I have as a new mother.
By the way, if you are a mother and are into psychology/philosophy, you will probably really enjoy this book!
Since Caleb was born, I've been reading a lot of books. Most of them have been about how to keep your baby alive and thriving, and also on breastfeeding. Here are my thoughts on the books I've read thus far:
Now I'm on to reading some other books that are very interesting thus far. I'm still into the "motherhood" genre since I'm new to the game. My favorite part about reading books about motherhood is that, though I've been home alone parenting Caleb, I feel connected to many mothers throughout the world and time. Reading the stories and thoughts of others who have gone through motherhood helps me to find more value in the importance of mothering and also helps me to feel like I'm a part of something big and important. I'll write more about the books I'm reading later.
